Broken Ties
by clickforkolsdick
Summary: Gossip Girl here. Summer came and went faster than the pull of an ocean's current, but the scandal has only gotten juicier. We have a lot of catching up to do, Upper East Siders. And why don't we start with a name that hasn't shone a light since January when she had a little visit from Carter Baizen...Holland Braxton. It's time to unravel all your secrets on why you went to London.
1. Return of an Elite

Gossip Girl, here. Summer came and went faster than the pull of an ocean's current, but the scandal has only gotten juicier. We have a lot of catching up to do, Upper East Siders. And why don't we start with a name that hasn't shone a light since January when she had a little visit from Carter Baizen.

**Holland Braxton – **You have been _spotted_. Who knew that with your departure, you would dub down to using British Airlines? Hope they have disinfectant on that plane, but it still won't hide all your dirty little secrets. You couldn't stay away from us for too long, could you Holland? Three years feels like forever in my book and we have a lot of dirt to dig up.

Things have been boiling up since she has been gone. Will things be able to return to normal or will **Chuck Bass**' one-too-many flings send a wall spiraling between the two destined lovers? Will Blair Waldorf cause a drift in this everlasting friendship? Only time will tell.

We all know that time heals all wounds, but not for **Nate Archibald**, who has taken up his time in the Hamptons. Careful **N**, that high only lasts so long until you fall down and that is always much more brutal. Smile, Chuck and Blair are together – and you are desperately, all alone.

**Blair Waldorf** at Charles de Gaulle, homeward bound. What could possibly make Queen B. abandon her two dads before Labor Day? We bet Chuck Bass wants to know.

Everyone has been having a scandalous summer thus far, everyone except **Serena van der Woodsen**, who has been spotted on the beach – alone, only again. Seems like things have been getting really heated with Nate Archibald…or has it?

And what has **Lonely Boy** been up to? Let me rephrase that, no one cares.

It's good to be back, New York. I plan on making this the most memorable year, especially for our graduates. You better lock up all your darkest secrets, hide your scandals, and fasten your seatbelt because this is going to be a bumpy ride.

You know you love me.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.

**1\. Return of an Elite**

Nate stared at the notification that was running across the screen of his phone. He was in Chuck's apartment, where they usually were found. Chuck seated on his armchair with a glass of scotch in his hand with his scarf wrapped around his neck. "Did you read the new Gossip Girl blast that was just sent out?"

Chuck raised his eyebrows as if his answer should have been obvious. Awaiting his sarcastic response of _I'm Chuck Bass_ and a wickedly sinister grin plastered on his face. But this was different. He looked almost…discontent, "Holland may be returning."

Nate nodded his head before chuckling softly, "Have you spoken to her since she left?"

Chuck shook his head before sitting up and placing his glass down on the table beside him, "If I were to have spoken to her, do you really believe we would be enduring in this conversation at the moment? She picked up her bags three years ago and disappeared overseas, much to my dismay. Couldn't even have the decency to tell me herself."

Their lives were made to be navigated according to their families.

Chuck Bass was born into one of the richest families on the Upper East Side, with his father owning Bass Industries. He had the typical "bad boy" persona that covered his underlined romantic and sensitive personality.

Whereas, Holly was quite the opposite. She seemed to have everything under control. She had the grades, the looks, and the popularity – but hiding within was an insecure, narcissistic control freak. She has always been propped on a pedestal, bidding the highest of praise. Her parents were Big Time producers, who caught the eye of some of the most popular celebrities – Ryan Gosling, Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp, etc. They brought success to the city that never sleeps.

Their families worked hand in hand. With celebrities, brought profit to the Bass Industries. Chuck and Holland grew up together, they even shared their first scheme together when they conned movie star – Seth Rogen – into buying a house.

It was always sought out that Holland and Chuck would eventually date, very much like Nathaniel and Blair. Although, Holland was stubborn. She wanted nothing more than to make her own destiny, so they kept their relationship platonic. _Well, minus the few hookups that were led from their drunkenly-driven minds._

They were two sides of a coin. One thriving for power and one running from it.

The annoying buzz from her phone rattled along the edge of the bench. Holland was waiting to board her plane, back to the Upper East Side. She left that place three years ago – she had changed drastically. She was only a child when she left. London opened her eyes. She was going to return a seventeen year old who picked up the pieces of her scattered life.

She pulled her phone out and opened her message, but as soon as she started to read it – she wanted to shove it back into her pocket. There was a picture attachment, her sitting on the bench. She raised her head to try and find the person who tipped Gossip Girl off but it could have been anyone.

_Gossip Girl, here._

_A little birdy let me in on a secret that our long-lost Queen has been spotted boarding a plane back to the Upper East Side. Couldn't stay away from us for too long, could you Holland? _

_Separation anxiety from the Basshole or was Carter Baizen's visit eye-opening? He may have turned his back on his parents three years ago, evidently when you left us watching in the shadows. But he sure has had his eyes set on you. Perhaps, there is a story that we have yet to reveal?_

_You know I love a good scandal and the reason behind your departure is at the top of my list._

_You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl._

She stuffed her phone back into her pocket and pulled her sunglasses over her eyes before shutting them tightly. Gossip Girl had ruined her life – on more than one occasion. There was nothing more relaxing than the time she spent in London, away from that life.

Being a member of one of the Elite families in New York came with a toll. Her social life propped on a pedestal and she was known for her wild side. Parties every single night, a different boy at every entrance and departure. Alcohol and drugs were involved – but she was a changed woman.

Holland Braxton didn't want to be known as the Long Lost Queen of Constance.

She was Holly. A girl who was planning on becoming an actress.

She scrolled through Gossip Girl's recent blasts and _oh how things have changed_. Serena had departed and returned from a Boarding School, flying under the radar. Seems that she wasn't the only heiress to leave the UES. Her return to the Upper East Side seemed to make every headline.

There was a new kid in most of the blasts with Serena – Dan Humphrey, better known as Lonely Boy. He definitely didn't look like one of her normal men. Serena went after the highest bidder – a man with a title. This kid was their age. He was from Brooklyn. His name skyrocketed into the world of the plenty. He even had more posts that Chuck and Nate.

There were some blasts about Chuck and Nate – not so many. Mostly focusing on the breakup of Blair and Nate. The fling of Chuck and Blair and now their full blown relationship. Chuck and Blair. It sounded unnatural, like something that would exist in opposing sides of the galaxy.

But if Blair was happy, I was happy. It was surreal finding what my friends have been up to, but this new mystery boy stole the spot light. Exactly, who is this **Lonely Boy**?

As for her family, her eldest brother seemed to graduate and now working in the Federal Bureau of Investigation in New York City. Declan was going to Columbia and rooming with his longtime best friend, no other than Carter Baizen. Her parents were filming a new movie – the middle of the production process. She seemed to forget that even though she was gone, everyone's lives continued to move on.

As she kept scrolling, she came across the pictures from when Carter Baizen visited her in London. The meeting didn't end as well as the pictures made it seem. More along the lines of screaming matches and a shoe being thrown at his head.

Time passed so quickly that before she knew it her flight was being called over the loud speaker. "Flight 84 to New York City," Holland gathered her bags and stood up. It was time for her moment in the _Hot Seat._

* * *

_Author's Note: Hey everyone. I've been rewatching Gossip Girl, so I decided to write a fanfiction. Tell me what you think of the story so far!_


	2. Why Did She Come Back?

Extra, Extra! Read all about it.

You can't hide under designer shades for too long, **H**. But nothing says welcome back than a square full of photographers snapping their pictures. And evidently, who gets them? Oh yes, that would come full circle back to me.

Don't pout, **Holland**.

You can only escape the Upper East Side for so long without all your details of England coming out to play. There has to be a thread teasing to be pulled. But until next time, rush home and hide yourself away. Your "so-called" friends should be pissed in the morning.

You know you love me.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.

**2\. Why Did She Come Back?**

Holland stepped into the cool streets of New York City. Summer had come to a close and school was going to be starting back up in a matter of days. The normally humid air was filled with a crisp wind that pushed the bangs from her forehead. Her glasses were kept securely over her eyes.

As she walked down the familiar streets of the Upper East Side, she awaited that text message. Her return. She was sure that it would make a few _headlines._ Heck, if Serena's did, so could she. It wouldn't take that hard, although Serena gets a title if she breaks a nail.

A few girls walked by her, staring her down and whispering to one another. "Oh my God," The shorter brunette whispered to her friend, "Did we just pass Holland Braxton?"

The blonde turned around and halted in place, pulling her phone out of her purse in an instant. "I've got to send this in to Gossip Girl." And just like that, things were seared into gear.

With the buzz in her pocket, she pulled out her phone and awaited to read what was going to be said about her.

_SPOTTED: Our Irish Queen has stepped foot on her homeland and definitely is ready to mark her territory. Walking down the streets of the Upper East Side with fierce integrity and passion. I wonder if she caught up on all of the sex, lies and scandal that she's missed. I think it's about time we unravel all your little secrets, H._

She rolled her eyes at the end of the message. _Unravel all your little secrets. _Sure, she had secrets to hide – plenty of them. But they were not going to be surfacing. Gossip Girl could pick and scratch all she wanted, but the secrets would not bleed through on her radar.

She took her eyes off of her phone and before she knew it, she was surrounded by Peeping Toms and Stalker Steves. Everywhere she turned, a phone was out and pictures were being snapped. She exhaled a deep breath before continuing her walk home.

"Why did she even come home?"

"Things were so much better when she was gone."

"Did you see those pictures of her and Carter in London?"

"Why did she come back?"

"No one wants you here!"

Words and fragments of sentences were being shouted in her direction and she could barely keep up with any of the conversations. All she knew was she felt unwelcomed. No one wanted her back. She wasn't even sure why she came back herself. Something was calling her. Like she was being drawn back home.

She enjoyed her time in London. She really did. She met wonderful people there, especially actress, Dakota Watts. They became close friends fast. But she went away to film a movie and Holland felt like it was time to face her demons. And by demons, she meant everyone she left behind.

"Honey," Her dad shouted when he noticed her walking out of the elevator. "Oh my God, Holly," He let out a deep sigh and ran to her side, enveloping her into a tight and warm hug. She missed her family immensely. Words couldn't describe how hard it was to leave them.

Her mother ran into the room like a bolt of lightning as soon as she heard her daughter's name spoken. "Holland," She sighed in relief and ran over towards her. Tears brimming her eyes, causing the rest of the family to shed tears of joy. "I didn't know you were coming home," She inhaled and pulled away to look at her daughter.

Holland had changed dramatically. She left New York as a fourteen year old girl who had no sense of style, messy hair, and a Tinkerbelle backpack. Returned in front of her was a strong woman whose hair was perfectly curled, make-up properly applied, and a Michael Korrs bag placed in her grasp. "I needed a change in scenery," Holland explained with a slight shrug of her shoulder.

Her father chuckled under his breath, "A change in scenery. We've missed you so much, pumpkin."

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Her mom questioned and Holly raised her eyebrow. "With everything that has happened in the past, the reason you left, are you sure you want to jump right back into this life?"

She nodded, "I'm sure. I'm a big girl, I can make it through this."

The elevator dinged and she heard a set of footsteps enter her house. She turned around to find a man standing there, with a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of scotch. He looked a lot like Chuck, but it wasn't the Chuck she left behind. She heard the patter of her parents exiting the room and leaving the duo alone. Chuck's jaw dropped when they made eye contact, "I," He swallowed hard. "I had to make sure that the rumors were true."

She let out a harsh breath, trying to reel her thoughts. "They are," She nodded, "I'm home."

He took a step forward, towards the table and placed the flowers and alcohol down and stepped back. "I just wanted to drop these off for you," He motioned his head towards the elevator, "I'm going to go."

He turned his back away from Holland and headed back to the elevator, slamming his finger on the button. Waiting impatiently for the elevator to open so he could disappear out of there. "Chuck," Holland managed to let out and he looked over quickly. "It's good to see you."

He gave her a small smile, "As to you, Holly." And with that Chuck had visited and fled faster than her brain could rack. She felt stupid. It's good to see you. That was all she could even imagine to say. His visit was sudden and unexpected. He definitely wasn't expecting her to be standing in the room, directly across from him. He probably imagined she would have a new guy attached to her hip. But here she was, standing in an empty room filled with foolishness.

She pulled out her phone and dialed a number, it rang twice before going to voicemail. Rejected. "You have reached the voice mailbox of…" She awaited the name, "Chuck B-" She hit end on her phone and shoved the phone away. She was not going to sit back and have a pity party on her night back.

Before she knew it, the bottle of scotch that Chuck had left behind was opened and she was already on her third glass. She didn't know what she was expecting when she decided to come back. She didn't want to get her hopes up to be shot down, so she kept an open mind. But seeing Chuck, seeing how drastically things have become between the two of them. She felt lost. She was in a place that felt so distant – even England felt like a better home.

"Holland," A voice spoke behind her and made her want to jump eighteen feet into the air. She whipped her body around, still grasping the bottle in her hand and stumbling forward a bit. "What the hell are you doing?"

She squinted her eyes to make sure she wasn't seeing things, "Nathaniel!"

In a matter of seconds, she was in his arms, being held up and he put her arm over his shoulder to keep her balanced. "Didn't know there was a welcome home party that I wasn't invited to," He chuckled and walked them over to the couch before placing her down. She sprawled across the cushions and looked up at him, "Why are you drinking alone?"

She shrugged her shoulders before crossing her arms, "Chuck didn't want to see me. He ran away like he saw a ghost," She admitted. Chuck was her best friend. She felt stupid for believing that after all this time, they could just pick up where they left off. "Why didn't he want to see me?"

He patted her knee and she closed her eyes, the warmth of his skin sent shivers up her body. "You left him without any warning – without giving any of us any warning. A lot of things have changed around here and you being thrown back into our world, it's a lot to take in."

"I had to leave without telling you guys," She sighed and leaned up. He pulled her into him and she rested her head on his chest, "But believe me, there wasn't a day that passed that I didn't regret it."

He nodded, "It will just take some time to get used to."

She looked up, locking her emerald eyes on his pools of oceans, "Why did I even come back? No one wants me here, it's all over Gossip Girl. Everyone's saying it. It was in Chuck's eyes. I made a huge mistake coming back."

He placed his hand on her cheek and wiped a tear away with his thumb, "No. You made the right choice by coming back. We've all missed you, Holly. Every last one of us. It was like we were missing a piece of us while you were gone."

"Really?"

"Yes really," He laughed lightly. "You're our best friend, Chuck was probably just in shock. Everything will be okay."

She nodded her head slowly, keeping her eyes on his. "Thank you, Nate," She smiled genuinely and for the first time that entire night, she felt welcomed. She felt at home. Holland sprung forward to kiss him on the cheek, but accidently kissed him on the lips. She pulled away immediately and covered her mouth, "I shoul-I shouldn't have done that. Blair is going to kill me."

He shook his head moving her hand away from her mouth, "Blair and I are broken up." He tilted his head to the side, amused. She locked their vision, before breaking it to look down at his lips that she just touched. "Someone didn't do their research."

Holland stared at him with a mixture of confusion and sadness, "Can I ask why you two broke up?"

Nate shifted on the couch uncomfortably, leaning his body towards Holland's direction. "Last year, Serena and I-" Holland cut him off, "Had sex. I know, Chuck told me." He gave her an odd look, "For about two years after my departure, Chuck tried to keep me updated. Though I never answered them."

He cleared his throat, "Well yeah. Anyway, her and Chuck started to have this fling and things got crazy, but I guess it's better now. They are happy in a relationship with each other and I'm moving forward."

Holland realized that he still had her hand in his grasp so she squeezed it lightly, "Well Blair is crazy for letting you go. You know that right?"

There kept an intense stare in each other's direction. This was exactly what they both needed to hear. They needed the moral support. Holland licked her lips and swallowed. Nate leaned forward erratically and pressed his lips against Holland's, cupping her cheek in his hand. She didn't hesitate and kissed him back immediately, placing her hand behind his neck and pulling him close. "I'm glad you're home," He whispered in between kisses, "I've missed you."

She pulled away and looked up into his blue eyes. She licked her lips and trailed her hand up his chest, "Well it seems like we have a lot of catching up to do, now that you're single."

He grinned, teeth scratching against her cheek then moving down to her neck. His hand rested on her bare thigh then started to travel upwards slowly, he muttered heavily in her ear, "Just tell me when to stop." She pulled him back to her by his shirt collar before reaching down and unbuttoning his pants. She leaned back up and caught his lips with her own, sealing their fate of this night. "Perhaps we should move this upstairs," Her eyes flicked towards the staircase.


	3. An Unwanted Encounter

_Author's Note:_

_Hey everyone. I know it's been forever, but I've been busy with school and work. But here is the next chapter._

_Please please please leave your thoughts and I hope you enjoy! :)_

* * *

Good Morning, Upper East Siders. Yesterday we caught the shark in the water with the return of one of our Elite. Now I think it's time to dig up one of her secrets. What is hiding behind those emerald green eyes, **H**?

**Nate **hasn't been spotted in over sixteen hours. Tsk, tsk, you can't hide from us for that long, **N**.

We came across another familiar face, but we'll just leave that for another time to tell.

Enjoy your last day of summer because tomorrow, we're turning in those bikinis for plaid skirts and headbands. **Queen B** is itching to get back on her throne, but she may have a little competition with the three queens back in Constance. Look out, B, you wouldn't want to be dethroned…again.

You know you love me.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.

**3\. An Unwanted Encounter**

Holland woke up in the crack of dawn, the sun was rising and shining into her window, cascading a ray of light over her eyes. She felt two arms wrapped around her torso and a chin nuzzled against her neck. Stubble scraping her skin and sent a tingling sensation down her body. She turned her head slightly to find the pair of blue eyes open and watching her, "Nathaniel."

He kissed behind her ear and she exhaled a deep breath, "Good morning."

She pulled away quickly and sat up pulling the sheets with her, keeping her body covered. "That was-last night, it shouldn't have happened," She rambled but Nate leaned over and shut her up with another kiss. She kneeled back on the bed and kept her mouth quiet once he pulled away, "We shouldn't have."

"But we did," Nate explained and grabbed her hand in his own, playing with her fingers. "Please don't leave, I don't want to be alone." Holland swallowed hard and opened her mouth to neglect, but he cut her off once again. "Stay with me. Please."

She nodded her head and joined his side, laying her head against his chest and he ran his fingers through her strawberry blonde hair. "But we both know that this can never happen again," She glanced her eyes towards him. "It was a one-time thing."

He nodded his head pressing his lips to the top of her head, brushing the skin right under her hairline. "A one-time thing." She glanced at his lips, they were parted slightly, wet and red from being nipped and tugged at all night long. She never looked at Nate as more than a friend before. That's all they ever were. Friends. But something sparked between them last night – whether it was hidden chemistry or both were having an extremely crappy day – it felt right.

She leaned forward and kissed him one last time, letting her lips linger against his for a few moments than necessary. This time, it was gentle and thankful. Because that was what she was feeling – thankful for him being there last night. Being able to understand where she was coming from. Not thinking she was being irrational or in too deep over her head. He understood. When she pulled away, Nate just stared at her with a blank gaze. "Thank you, Nate," She whispered barely audible, "Thank you for being here last night."

There was a rattling coming from the door and a jiggling of the handle, but thankfully in the midst of their drunken stroll – they managed to lock the door. A pounding at the wooden frame followed once the door wouldn't budge, "Holland Avery. I know you are in there," Blair's voice shook the entire room into action. "I saw your pictures all over Gossip Girl, thanks for announcing your return to, I don't know, your so-called friends."

Holland swooped onto the ground and pulled a T-shirt over her head before picking up Nate's clothes and throwing them towards him. Frantically with wide eyes and a terrified expression, he finally jumped into gear and pulled the clothes on. "Blair," Holland heard her mom speak outside and she let out a calm breath, relaxing a bit. "Holland has had a rough and long day yesterday, she's probably still asleep. Do you want me to tell her you stopped by?"

Holly turned around and Nate was fully dressed in yesterday's attire, shoes and all. "Oh, she knows I was here. She's probably sitting in there right now, proud of her little victory. She'll call me later, isn't that correct, Holland?"

Nate raised an eyebrow and Holly put her finger to her lips, making sure he stays completely quiet. She heard the elevator button ding and the sliding doors close and Holland let out a sigh of relief, "That was a close one."

He rubbed the back of his neck, "No one can know about this. Not even Chuck."

Holland crossed her arms, "Yeah like I'm just going to blurt out, oh yeah, by the way I had sex with your best friend last night." She waved her hands into the air before re-crossing her arms, "I'm not going to let a word of this spill."

Holland's phone began to ring and she picked it up as Blair's name flashed on her caller ID. She rolled her eyes. She forgot how tenacious Blair could be. She cleared her throat, "It's Blair. So quiet," She pointed her finger in Nate's direction and he nodded before throwing himself back on her bed. She took a deep breath before pulling the phone up to her ear, "Blair. It's good to hear from you!"

"Don't partake me as a fool, Holland. I know you heard me earlier, you can barely sleep through a thunderstorm, nonetheless my irritating knocking." Blair had a point there. She knew that Holland was dodging her, but could you blame her? Things haven't exactly...been normal.

Holland paced around the room, "You're right. You're always right, B. Now was there something you needed?"

Blair sat down on the edge of her bed and Marcus walked into the room, "Nothing too big. I was just passing on the message that I am throwing a back to school party tonight and I wanted you to come. It would be nice to get all of us back together. You've missed quite a lot in your absence, you should be formally caught up on all recent scandals."

Holland joined Nate on the bed, sitting on top of her foot, "Of course. You can count me in, would you like me to bring anything?"

"No," Blair chimed. "Just you and that should be perfect. I shall see you tonight, Holly."

Holland nodded, "Goodbye, Blair." She hung up the phone and sighed, "There's a party tonight at Blair's?" Nate folded his hands behind his head, "I shouldn't be surprised. Blair always liked to get us all back together before school. But won't this year be different? You two aren't together, her and Chuck aren't together anymore. There's this new guy named Dan. I'm back."

Nate leaned up so he was sitting straight, "It will definitely be different. But I think that's exactly what we could use right about now. I change of scenery on things."

Her mom knocked on her door, "Holland. Wake up, I'm going to make breakfast."

"I'll be right out, mom."

Holland stood up and decided to get dressed for the day. She pulled out a winter green dress and pulled it on with a pair of black heels that matched her necklace. She curled her hair and applied a bit of make-up before walking out of the room with Nate following behind. They walked down stairs and into the kitchen and her mom looked up, "Nathaniel. I wasn't aware that you were here. I'll add an extra plate to the table."

Nate gave her a warm smile, "Thank you, Mrs. Braxton."

"Hol," A man spoke from behind her and she whipped her head around to find her eldest brother standing in the doorway. "I didn't know you were coming home," He engulfed her into a tight hug and looked over at Nate. He grinned, "Good to see you, man."

Once Gus let go of Holland, he stuck out his hand for Nate. "You too, Augustus."

"Where is my Halle Berry?" Another voice ran into the room and picked Holland up and spun her around. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him closely, "Declan!"

He placed her down on the ground, "It's good to see you, little sis."

She looked back and forth between her two brothers. They were a family made from completely different worlds. They all had the same father, but different mothers. Their dad grew up young and had his first child when he was barely an adult.

Their dad and his high school girlfriend, Anna Hill, got pregnant when he was a senior in high school. Augustus was born when their dad was a freshman in college, he ended up taking the next year off to help raise his son. He and Anna got married, but it failed shortly after. They were only married for two years before they agreed on getting a divorce. Although, they still remain good friends, their romance died down. They were young and naïve, only being nineteen and seventeen years old. Anna remarried to a man named Christian Collins. Augustus took after both parents, blonde hair and crystal blue eyes. He was tall and built well. He became a FBI Agent.

Her father's second marriage was to Daniella Merci, a French Journalist that he met when he was twenty-two. After a year of dating, she ended up getting pregnant and they had Declan. Declan took after his mother the most. Light brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. He was still taller, very tall. Reaching 6'4". Her father and Daniella got divorced when she moved back to France. Declan visits his mother every few months, but doesn't see her as much as he wish he could.

Holland took almost every single feature that she had after her mother, although a few of her father's traits were mixed in. She took after both of their red hair, although her father's was a mixture of blonde and red. She has piercing, emerald green eyes that she took after her grandmother. She was short, which she also got from her mother. They met in school years ago, when he was still married to Anna. They were best friends, Sebastian Braxton and Michelle O'Brien. You would rarely catch them without the other attached to the side. They graduated together in 1990 and decided to begin to date. This has been his longest and happiest relationship.

Her mother finished flipping the pancakes and the room was filled with cheer and laughter. Declan was telling Holland about how he was doing in college, he got a scholarship for soccer. She missed his graduation because she left a few months before school ended. Gus was explaining what it was like to be an FBI Agent. She missed his graduation as well. She missed a lot of things in her absence.

"Carter, what a lovely surprise for you to join us," Holland heard her mom say and her entire body tensed. Declan ran over to Carter and slammed his palm against his shoulder and shook him strongly. "I'll get you a plate ready."

He grinned at her, "Thank you, Michelle." _Since when did he start calling her Michelle? _His presence irritated her. The fact that he hadn't even taken notice to **her** presence irritated her. How he walked straight into her house without a care in the world irritated her. He glanced across the room and his eyes landed on Holland. His mouth parted as though he was about to say something, but before any words could come out, Declan was dragging him into the dining room.

She wanted to disappear out of her own house. She didn't know what bothered her so much. That he was going to say something to her or that he was rudely interrupted. Screw that, she didn't care what he had to say. He was lucky that she didn't take her heel off right then and there and chuck it at his head.

Nate kept staring at his phone, "What's wrong?"

His eyes shot up and realized that Holland was staring at him, staring at his phone. Staring at the text from Catherine about the money. Staring at the two missed calls from Vanessa, who he blew off again last night – to sleep with one of his best friends. He didn't deserve someone like Vanessa.

"Earth to Nathaniel Archibald," She waved her hand in front of his face and he snapped back to reality. "What's wrong?" He shook his head, disregarding her question so Holland snatched his phone out of his hands. She read over the text message, "If you want the money. You know what I want. Meet me tonight at 7 p.m." Holland's eyes grew wide, "Who the hell is Catherine and what does she want? Why do you need money?"

He took the phone out of her hands and rolled his eyes, "It's nothing. None of your business."

He turned to walk away but she grabbed his arm, "Nate. I'm sorry for intruding on your privacy, but I'm worried. Who is Catherine? What is happening?" He didn't make eye contact with her. "Are you sleeping with her for money?"

He looked at her briefly before looking away and Holland's jaw dropped wide. She let go of Nate's arm and felt disgusted. Disgusted in him. Disgusted in herself for sleeping with him last night. She took a step backwards but Nate spoke up, "You don't understand. I don't have a choice."

She laughed, "You don't have a choice? You are selling sex for money, Nate. How isn't that a choice that you made?"

"My family's bank accounts have been frozen. We are basically broke right now. My dad skipped town when he was supposed to be arrested for fraud. My mom helped him get away. We need the money for bills, for our house. There's no other way." Nate ran his hand through his hair and Holland stared at him blankly.

She was completely wrong. Nothing about the Upper East Side is the same. All of her friends have their own problems that she knows nothing about. All of the relationships that she is so prone to, have casually vanished in thin air. Everything was different.

She bit her bottom lip, "How much money do you need? I'll help you."

He shook his head, "No. I am not bringing you into this. You have to stay out. If Catherine finds out that you know, she'll cut me off. She knows where my dad is hiding. I'm stupid and I let it slip. She can turn him in if I make one wrong move."

Holland swallowed hard, "Nate. You shouldn't have to go through with this. You shouldn't have to feel so alone that you have to prostitute yourself to get your family the money you need. You're seventeen years old, she is having sexual relations with a minor. You are aware that she could go to jail for this."

He blew out a breath through his nose, "If she gets arrested, she'll tell them where my dad is. I can't let that happen. Promise me, you will keep this between the two of us." Holland stared up at him and bit her bottom lip, "Promise me."

She swallowed hard, "I promise."

Carter walked over into the kitchen, darting his eyes towards the duo. Holland looked away as quickly as possible and stared down at the ground. He cleared his throat and opened the fridge pulling out the orange juice. Holland turned around abruptly, "Why are you here?"

He looked up from his glass that he was pouring and placed the bottle back on the counter, tightening the lid. "I could ask you the same question, Holly."

Her jaw hardened and she sent a glare in his direction, "You do not have the privilege of calling me that. Only my friends can use that nickname," She looked over at Nate who was confused by the hostility of this interaction. "And last time I checked, we are _never_ going to be friends."

He nodded his head in amusement, "We can't forget about the past forever, H."

She walked past him out of the kitchen, squaring her shoulders in the process, "I can try."

Nate chased out of the kitchen after her, pulling her aside in the living room. He arched an eyebrow and she avoided his gaze innocently, "Do you want to explain what the hell happened in there between you and Carter?" She shook her head, "What happened between you two that caused this much hate and tension. First those blasts when he visited in England and now this."

She pushed a piece of hair behind her ear, "We have a long past and he just knows how to press all of the right buttons. He just loves making my life miserable."

He chuckled, "Seems like he's not the only one." He glanced over at Carter who was sitting at the table absent-mindedly staring at his glass of orange juice, drowning out the outside world. He wanted to fix this. He needed to fix this.


	4. Dark and Secretive

Everyone knows that it's not time to go back to school until Blair Waldorf has thrown her Back-To-School Party. So get ready for the night to set forth what this school year will be like – dark and secretive. And of course, when I say secretive, I mean time to give your secrets out for the whole world to know.

First night back with the **Non-Judging Breakfast Club** – but they aren't all that "non-judging" anymore. They judge everything. And by one of the secrets that I am about to reveal about you, **H.** I wouldn't expect anything less from them.

You know you love me.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.

**4\. Dark and Secretive**

Holland walked into Blair's suite, there were bodies gathered from the moment she walked in throughout the room. She took a cautious step inside, hoping not to gain that much attention from her entrance. To her demise, Blair was standing there waiting for her.

Blair made her way to Holland hurriedly, engulfing her into a hug. "You made it," Blair buried her face in Holland's hair. She pulled away and straightened Holly's headband and necklace before speaking again, "I'm really happy that you are home. I missed you. We all missed you."

Holland nodded straightening out her black Nina Ricci dress, "I missed you too. I want you to know how sorry I am that I left so suddenly and didn't talk to you all that much. I had to leave, I hope you understand that." Blair nodded her head, "This is a lovely party."

She smiled, "Thank you." She looked past Holland and noticed Marcus walking into the room, "If you'll excuse me, I have a Lord to entertain." She scurried away towards Marcus leaving Holland alone in the middle of the crowded room.

"You look lost," Someone whispered in her ear and she turned around slowly, not wanting to face him. "It must be odd coming back to a place where you were once so welcomed and now feeling like an outsider that no one remembers."

She scoffed with an annoyed eye roll, "I am not an outsider. And believe me, everyone remembers me." She took a glance up at him through her thick eye lashes, "What the hell are you doing here? Are you following me?"

Carter rolled his eyes, "You wish."

Arms folded across her chest and green eyes narrowed, "Then what are you doing here? Did you seem to forget that you graduated from Saint Jude's two years ago? Although it wouldn't come to a shock that you would forget as it seems that you have a very short memory of what "stay the hell away from me" means."

He stuffed his hands into his pockets, "You didn't mean that."

She fluttered her eyes at the arrogance that was radiating off of him. "Was my shoe flying at your head miscommunicated?"

He swallowed hard, "I just want to talk to you. Make up for what I did."

She shook her head furiously and he placed his hand on her cheek but she pulled away harshly. "Don't touch me, Carter." He ran his fingers down her arm and she closed her eyes, embracing the warmth of his touch, before harshly yanking her arm away. "You lost your privilege to have a conversation with me, to talk to me… to even be in the same vicinity as me."

He exhaled, "Holly."

She grunted deeply, "I thought I told you not to call me that."

He shook his head before taking a step away from her, "Great talk, Hol. Great_ fucking_ talk." He stormed out of the living room and disappeared into one of Blair's rooms down the hallway. Holland let out a deep breath and ran her hand through her hair. She tried to collect her thoughts until the ring of everyone's phones began to go off. Gossip Girl was running the show.

_Spotted: Carter and Holland having a heated argument in the middle of the dance floor. Something tells me that the code to break her runaway passcode lies the letters C-A-R-T-E-R. We're taking baby steps, but the truth is bound to come out, H._

Everyone's eyes shifted in her direction and she rolled her eyes before stalking off of the floor and turning the corner. She noticed Nate standing in the corner, talking to an older woman. Presumably Catherine. Holland picked up a glass of champagne before walking towards them, "Nathaniel!" She shouted his name and he turned his head around and grinned. "Hi, I don't believe we've met," Holland looked up at Catherine before extending her hand towards her for a handshake. "I'm Holland, an old friend of Nathaniel's."

She shook Holland's hand briefly but never maintaining eye contact, "Catherine. It's nice to meet you, Holland. I don't believe I've heard about you."

"I'm the runaway who came back to the Upper East Side yesterday after leaving three years ago. Apparently I have a big secret to dig up, but I can't be the only one around here. Am I right?" She gave Catherine a sly grin and tilted her head to the side amused.

Catherine seemed intrigued by Holland. Someone who could give her a good fight, a good run for her money. "It does seem like everyone has a secret or two to hide. But sometimes they are best to stay buried."

Holland lifted her glass, "Cheers to that."

Catherine ran her hand down Nate's arm, letting her fingers trail along his. A voice spoke from behind them, "Nate?" They are turned to face a tanned brunette with short hair pulled into tight curls that framed her face around her shoulders. She noticed the intertwined fingers, "Oh my God."

The power surged and the entire room went dark, letting an avail of gasps leaving everyone's lips.

Nate's mouth parted slowly. But before he could say anything, she ran off. Leaving Nate, Catherine, and Holland watching her trail from the party. "Vanessa!" He called. Nate took a step forward, being the Knight in Shining Armor that he always has been and chased after her.

Catherine was about to follow in pursuit, but before she could move an inch, Holland caught her arm and pulled her back. Catherine tried to free her arm from her grasp, but it was no use. Holland had a tight grip on things that she wanted to control. "Not so fast, dear." She took a step in, so she was centimeters apart from Catherine. "I know what you're doing to Nate and I suggest that you back off. Whatever he owes you, I will pay for it. Just let him go," Holland pleaded. Catherine swallowed hard, "Please. He's just a kid, do you really want to be rolling around in the sheets with an immature seventeen year old."

She raised her chin, "I care about him."

"So do I," Holland explained. "Which is why I am standing here, begging you to set him free from living his life this way. He deserves a lot better than this. He shouldn't be having sex with an adult for money to help pay his family's bills. He should be going out to parties, getting drunk, and messing up his life. He shouldn't have this responsibility."

She exhaled, "I will think about this offer. You give an exceptional plea."

Holland sighed in relief, "Thank you, Catherine. I knew you would understand. If you would excuse me, I need to go find someone. I'll check in with you before the night is over, we'll negotiate the guidelines of this settlement."

Holland walked through a crowd of people, Blair was frantically trying to keep everyone calm. Bringing out a handful of candles, passing them among the students of Constance and St. Jude's. Holland walked into an empty room and ran her hand through her hair, letting out a long breath. _She had no idea what she was doing._

Someone cleared their throat from the bed in the center of the room, "Holland. I know it's you by the tapping of your foot." Holland looked down and realized that her left foot was rapidly tapping the floor involuntarily. _One. One. One. Two. Three. One. One. One. Two. Three._ She stopped her foot and turned around so her back was no longer facing him. "You only tap your foot like that when you're stressed out."

She rolled her eyes. "Such a keen eye on things, Carter."

She could hear the creak of the bed move from his weight shifting under him. She heard his footsteps growing closer, although she couldn't make out any features present on his face beneath the darkness. For the first time in years, she felt powerless. As though she was being pulled into his orbit. "Tell me what's wrong, Holly." His voice was strong and gruff, pronouncing every syllable with a sharp tongue and an even sharper movement.

"How come wherever I go, you seem to appear from the shadows?" Her voice was shaky, breaths became harder to take. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" His fingers brushed against her arm, but she pulled away hugging herself tightly. Shutting her eyes and wanting to disappear. She didn't want to talk to him. To give him the satisfaction of this conversation, only for him to leave whenever he pleases. What he was best at.

His touch left her skin tingling. Burning hot over every cell that he left a mark on. "I don't want to feel like this when we are around each other. The tiptoeing. The avoiding. I don't want things to pick up how they left off."

She took a large gulp, swallowing her sorrows away. Pushing past the apology that was laced within his voice. _Remember what he did to you. _She shook her thoughts away. She had to be strong. She wouldn't let this destroy her any longer. "You need to leave, Carter."

He chuckled, "I don't have to do anything."

_Destroy what destroys you._

She shifted her footing so she was standing tall, she narrowed her eyes. Darkening them. Jaw clenched. But the words wouldn't come out of her mouth. _Tell him to leave and never come back. It was his turn to disappear this time. _"Where are you going to run off this time, Hol?" She darted her eyes towards the moonlight that was shining through the window. The light was bouncing off of him and she could see every single feature. "You can't run from me forever."

She let out a quick breath, "I can try."

She took a step backwards, going to reach for the door handle when his voice broke through once again. "Was what I did really that bad?" She stopped dead in her tracks but kept her back towards him. After a few more moments of silence passed, he spoke again. "That you can't even look at me?"

"Yes!" Holland screamed frantically, allowing her echo to boom across the room. "Yes, Carter. What you did was so bad that I left my hometown!" She turned around, but kept her eyes focused on the ground. "The one place that I love more than anything. I couldn't face my friends, my family. I felt disgusted with myself. So yes," She finally raised her head to look at him. "It is that bad that I don't even want to look at you."

He swallowed hard, "I don't know what you want me to say."

She chuckled under her breath darkly, speaking before her mind could even catch up with her mouth. "How about you start with an apology? Because it's been three years and you've yet to even say that you're sorry." Her voice was fragile, saying everything she'd been too scared to say before.

He took a step forward, "I'm-" He halted and kept staring at her. Trying to get the words out, but they wouldn't budge. All he could say was the word he'd missed the most since her departure, "Holly."

She nodded her head, disappointed. In herself, in him. She wasn't really sure anymore. "Yeah, exactly." She turned the doorknob and opened the door slightly, letting the light shine in from the candles in the other room. "Goodbye, Carter." She stepped outside of the room and the just like that – the power turned back on, leaving Carter Baizen wallowing in his own self-pity.

Holland headed towards the exit of Blair's suite, trying to disappear from the party under the radar. But long and behold, Blair had a sharp eye out for me. "Holland Avery! You are not leaving quite yet," She chased after her. She grabbed on her arm and pulled her to turn around, "We haven't even caught up yet!"

She let out a quiet breath and looked at her persistent, brunette best friend. "I'm sorry, B. But I just don't want to be here anymore, I can't be here anymore. I made a horrible decision coming back, all my mistakes are trying to catch up to me." She started to walk away again, but Blair grabbed her arm quickly, stopping her.

She rubbed my arm lightly, "Well talk to me about them. Let me know what's wrong."

A tall, blonde man walked by them, stepping behind Blair and placing his hand on her waist. Holland looked up and gave him a small smile, "You must be Marcus. It's a pleasure to meet you," Holland extended her hand towards him and he shook it firmly.

He kissed Blair on the cheek and she turned towards Holland, "Listen. Please, don't leave before we talk. I will be back soon, but I really want to talk to you. I've missed you," She kissed Holland's cheek before scurrying on with Marcus.

Holland let out a deep breath before walking towards the elevator, Blair wouldn't even realize that she left. She'd have her hands too busy with the Lord to notice her departure. She stepped into the elevator and pressed the button to her family's floor, but before the door closed – someone else climbed in.

She scooted over to the corner of the elevator to make room and he leaned against the back of the elevator. His blue eyes glanced towards Holland's petite body, "Tell me that your night had turned out better than my own."

She shook her head and laughed under her breath, "More like borderline hell bound." She pressed the side of her head against the wooden panel and fluttered her eyelashes at him. She pulled her eyebrows together, "Where's that girl, Vanessa? It seemed like you really liked her."

Nate shrugged his shoulders, "I was planning to break it off with Catherine. To be with Vanessa, but she changed her mind. She told me to stay with Catherine…that she cares about me. Whatever the hell that's supposed to mean."

"She doesn't know what she's missing out on," Holland blushed and he smiled, a dimple indented on his cheek.

He looked down at her, "Saw that blast about Carter. I'm guessing that's the reason behind your horrible night," She nodded her head without making eye contact. She didn't want to look into his eyes and see the pity that she knew they were filled with. She was not a broken toy anymore. "I'm sorry," He whispered.

She swallowed hard before stepping towards him and leaning on her tiptoes, kissing him. He grabbed her face in his hands immediately and raked his fingers through her hair. He pulled away slowly, "I thought that was a onetime thing."

The elevator came to a complete stop and the doors opened, revealing her empty and silent house. She took a step out and pulled him along with her, lacing their fingers together. She leaned up, tracing her thumb along his jawline. "Maybe, I lied," She smirked before crashing their lips together once more.

* * *

_Author's Note:_

_Thank you for all the follows, favorites, and reviews on this story so far! I'm glad you're all enjoying it. I have a lot in store for this story and I hope to update more frequently now. Please leave your thoughts!_


	5. Crash & Burn

_**Reviews would be greatly appreciated!  
**__**I hope you enjoy this chapter.**_

* * *

Wakey Wakey, Upper East Siders. Welcome to the first day of Senior Year and the onset of a new social dynasty. But the question is, with Serena single and on top of the world – will Constance become the House of **Van der Woodsen**?

Or will the road take a sudden turn at the fork of **Braxton**, instead of **Waldorf**?

**B** may have kept all mayhem from breaking loose in the past, but that was before the return of our fierce **Queen H**. You know what the legends say, redheads have been kissed by fire. And I believe that it is a wake of fire they will bring.

I hope you keep a fire extinguisher close in hand because I have a feeling it's only a matter of hours until **H** burns.

You know you love me.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.

**5\. Crash and Burn**

Holland sat down at the kitchen table with her mother and father. He cooked pancakes, an old first day of school tradition. Although, granted it's been a few years since they've shared the tradition. Gus walked down the hallway wearing a suit and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator before sitting down at the table.

"My brother," Holland stared at Gus in awe, "An F.B.I. Agent. As crazy as it seems, it suits you perfectly. You always had that male bravado look about you. The whole, I can kick your ass before you even realize what's happening, persona."

Her mother folded her hands together and brought them to her face, trying to hide a smile. "I am so proud of both of you, my little girl is a senior in high school. We've come a long way from everything that happened in the past."

Another set of footsteps joined the room, "We couldn't be more proud of the youngest Braxton." Declan tousled her hair and she smacked his arm away playfully. He sat down across from her and folded his arms, "Now unto more serious matters. Now that you are home, time to take back your rightful throne of Queen."

Holland rolled her eyes, cutting her pancakes and douching them in syrup. "I don't need to be Queen, that is Blair's position and I will not take that from her. She earned it during my absence. Constance hasn't burnt to the ground, so I'll let her remain in control."

He laughed and shook his head, "I will never understand the female order behind Constance. When we were seniors, Baizen just had all of the social dynasty on a leash. The projects under Blair's rule had no chance with him leading the ropes."

She shifted uncomfortably, "Can we not mention Carter?"

He raised his eyebrows, "I saw that blast last night from Blair's party. Is there something I need to talk to my best bro about? Because if he's messing with you, I'll say something. He should know better to talk to my baby sister. It's like the first chapter of any friendship – hands off of siblings and immediate family."

Her mother cleared her throat, "Declan. Holland is about to leave, would you mind sending for the limo?" Declan nodded his head and Gus stood up from the table, rubbing Holland's shoulder before leaving for work. Her mom turned to her, "We'll need to tell Declan someday."

Holland blew out through her nose, "Today is not the day."

She stood up and kissed the top of Holland's head, "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

Holland stood up and grabbed her bag, lifting it over her shoulder and straightening her posture. She took a deep breath and raised her chin. She was as ready as she'll ever be. It was terrifying, but she needed to get it over with. _The first step of moving on – facing your fears._

* * *

"Next," Blair called as she sat at the top of the stairs during Judgment Day. Holland was seated on the right side of her, but one step down. Showing Blair's power over the red head. Holly knew it was the best move on her part, not to try and dethrone Blair on her first day back. She placed another folder in the victims pile. "Every year the project pile shrinks, while the victims file," Holly glanced down to see the pile was almost as tall as her.

Penelope and another new girl that Holland didn't recognize were sitting below them, twirling their hair. They were talking amongst themselves, about things that Holland couldn't care less about. Things have changed drastically since she left – and apparently, they were letting in projects whom, in her opinion, should have been victims.

Chuck walked towards them with a folder in his hand. He handed it to Blair, "Last minute transfer. Thought you should be up to date."

Blair tilted her head to the side condescendingly, "Dates will not be my problem this year. Thanks to your little performance the other night, the Lord and I are better than ever," She smirked at Chuck. She could feel the tension rising between the two feuding lovers. Chuck sent her a glare, "Now if you'll excuse me. I have to find Serena."

Blair pulled her bag over her arm and stood up, stepping down from the stairs and walking towards the court. Penelope and the other minions scurried after her, but Holland hung back. Chuck nodded his head towards her, "Holland."

She stepped off of the stairs so they were standing across from one another, "Chuck. Haven't seen you in quite some time," She stared down at the cracks in the sidewalk before refocusing on his eyes. "That is, since you ran off from my suite the night I returned."

He jerked his head back, "I hope to see you around."

He started to walk past her but she grabbed his arm, "Chuck!" He turned his head to look at her and she glanced around for a moment. "Have you seen Nathaniel? He has something that I need," She swallowed hard.

Chuck's lips formed into a sinister smirk and he leaned forward, closing the distance between them. He leaned his head to the side of her head, his hot breath radiating off her ear. "I'm certain I could supply you with whatever it is you're in search for."

She shook her head and took a step away from him, "Perhaps in the past. But this is solely Nathaniel."

"I'll tell him you've called for him once I see him," He took a step backwards but stopped. "There's this new Japanese restaurant that's opened up, we should go there sometime. That is if you are still a fan of different assortments of sushi."

Holland gave him a small smile, "Pick me up at 8?"

Chuck nodded before walking away and Holland let out a deep breath before pulling out her phone. She noticed two missed calls from blocked numbers and a text message from Nate. _Come outside of St. Jude's, we need to talk. _She pulled on her red headband before heading towards the entrance of St. Jude's. Once she got outside, she could see Nate standing out front patiently on his phone.

"Hey," She chimed as she made her way towards him. He glanced over at her with a smile, before sneaking a quick kiss on her lips. No one was around to see it, they could publicly be free. She interlocked their fingers and grinned up at him, "What was that for?"

He snuck another peck on her lips before pulling her towards the wall of the building and they both leaned against it. "I was having a crappy morning and I needed it," He beamed down in her direction. "You should get to homeroom before Blair notices your disappearance. We could meet up later?"

Holland nodded her head before walking back towards Constance. But before she walked through the doors, she paused. All of a sudden, she wasn't in the mood to go to school. She didn't want to deal with the teachers. The students asking a million questions on her departure. She wanted to get away. She pulled out her phone to text Chuck where to meet her later and walked down the street.

* * *

**Flashback – Three Years Ago**

There was a loud bang that smacked against the wooden frame of Declan's bedroom on the cruise. The Braxton's went on vacation to the Bahamas, and Declan had begged and begged for his own room – which his father graciously granted. Gus had brought along his girlfriend and they shared a room, while Holland stayed with their parents a floor below him. The door swung open, letting a very drunk Holland slip into the room. She straightened herself up and started to giggle under her breath. Carter stood up from the couch immediately and rushed towards her as she slammed the door shut behind her. "Holland?" He asked touching her arm lightly and she snapped her eyes towards him. "You're wasted."

She bit back a snicker and glanced around the room, "And you're hot. Let's stop pointing out the obvious, Carter." She stumbled away from him and he couldn't help but smile. He raked his hand through his dark, messy hair before following her behind. She opened the refrigerator and started to sort through it. "Why don't you guys have any food in your room?" She whined. Straightening herself upright, she took one more glance around the room before refocusing on Carter. "Where's Declan?"

Carter shoved his hands into his pockets, "He met a girl. Said he wouldn't be home for the night, I think you're old enough to put two and two together."

"They're gonna fuck," She stated and Carter's eyes widened at her bluntness. He's never had a conversation with Holland before, let alone heard her speak in such a manner. She was three years younger than him, barely fifteen. "So it's only you in this room tonight? Don't you get lonely?'

He shrugged sitting down on the couch and pulling out his bowl and stash of pot he had hidden in the cushions of the couch. "Not so much lonely, rather than bored. But I find ways of keeping myself entertained." Holland sat down on the arm of the couch so he scooted over, "You could join if you'd like?"

He lit the lighter and brought it down to the bowl, letting the flames ignite. He breathed in the smoke before letting it escape his lips slowly in an O shape, leaving Holland mesmerized. She took the bowl out of his hands, "How did you do that?" She brought it to her lips and Carter chuckled before leaning forward and lighting it for her.

She breathed the smoke in before starting to cough obnoxiously at the burning and scratching of her throat. She shook her head and started to laugh, "That was so not sexy." Carter joined in on the laughter and leaned his head back against the cushions, "So this is what you do, huh? Burn out and smoke all day. Being a stoner seems fun."

He brushed a piece of her red hair out of her eyes and she looked away from him shyly, "It seems to have its advantages. I get to talk to beautiful girls, watch them almost cough up a lung." She placed her hands in her lap and stared at him, "You should probably get some sleep. You will have a massive hangover in the morning. I doubt you will even remember calling me hot."

He stood up before helping her onto her own feet, but she held onto his for support. "It's the truth though, I've always thought it." She kept walking by him and towards Declan's bedroom. He followed her close behind after grabbing a water bottle out of the refrigerator. She sat down on the edge of Declan's bed and Carter handed her the bottle of water.

"I'll be out here if you need anything," Holland climbed under the blankets and Carter tucked her in, "Okay?" Holland nodded slowly before Carter turned the lights out and shut the door behind him. He leaned his back against the doorframe and ran his hand through his hair. This was going to be the start of something incredible.

* * *

**Present Time**

Holland found Declan's spare key under his door mat and unlocked the door. She knew Declan had soccer practice this morning before his classes so his apartment would be empty. But she just needed an escape. The Upper East Side had changed drastically and she needed some normalcy. She stepped into his room after placing the key back into its hiding spot.

She walked fully into the apartment, she remembered when Declan called her telling her all about how he was getting his own apartment. He was so excited to be living with Carter. She kept her mouth quiet about that. She wanted to tell her brother about Carter – but she didn't know how. How do you tell your brother that you've been sleeping with their best friend?

Holland walked over to the couch and reached into the cushions finding exactly what she was looking for. She closed her eyes for a brief moment before digging into her purse for her lighter. But before she could light the blunt, the bathroom door swung open. She spun around quickly to find a half-naked Carter walking out in his towel. Her green eyes grew wide as their stares locked. She took a step back, "I'm sorry. I stopped by to see Declan was home, but since he's not." She pointed her thumb towards the door, "I'm going to leave."

She turned around and started to storm towards the door, but Carter made it there first. He slammed the door shut and leaned against it, causing Holland to bump into him. He grabbed her shoulders and steadied her, "Declan has soccer practice. You were just with him for breakfast, he didn't tell you?" He raised an eyebrow and Holland looked away, biting her bottom lip. "Or you're hiding out from all your friends and family so you decided to come to his empty apartment that he shares with your nemesis."

She glanced up with a smirk, "That sounds more like it. Now if you would get out of the way," She tried to force the door open but he blocked it. She crossed her arms and sent a glare in his direction, "Could you let me by?"

"You don't have to hide from me too," His blue eyes pleaded, "You know that, right?"

She rubbed her upper arm and walked back into the center of the room, and he followed her behind. "Do you know when Declan will be home?" She glanced over her shoulder and he shrugged his shoulders, fixing his towel securely around his waist. "And could you please put some clothes on, Carter."

He rolled his eyes, "It's not like it's anything you haven't seen before."

She tilted her head to the side, "But I don't wish to see it right now. So please, go get some clothes on." He let out a sigh before disappearing into his bedroom. She shook her head, sorting through her bag for the blunt and her lighter before sitting on the couch. She hasn't touched pot in three years, since her departure. She had a serious problem, drinking and smoking, partying every chance she could. Her parents noticed the behavior and forced her into rehab.

"You probably shouldn't do that."

She let the flame of the lighter evaporate and turned to look at Carter when he spoke. He had been the only one who knew about the addiction and the rehab. He blamed himself for it. He believed that Holland never would have started if he didn't let her join him on the cruise. If they never had that conversation that started the domino effect on her life.

She stuffed the blunt back into the cushion of the couch and scooted over, making room for him to sit beside her. He took a large gulp before joining her but keeping a safe distance not wanting to scare her away. "That's the real reason you came here, isn't it? Not avoiding your friends, your family, or even me." She nodded her head, tightening her eyes shut. He reached over and grabbed her hand, forcing a breath out of her. His touch felt familiar and safe, she melted into it. "I won't let you spiral back down. You've come way too far for that."

She turned in her seat to look at him, "Thank you."

He let a soft laugh leave his breath and he squeezed her hand gently in his own. "Anytime, Holly." He swallowed hard when she retracted her hand away from his at the nickname. He let out a deep breath, "I'm sorry. For everything. I screwed up a lot and I want you to know how sorry I am for all of that. I should have told you months ago, years ago – but I was scared. But I'm not a scared little boy anymore and I owe it to you to prove that I've changed."

Her mouth dropped open slowly but all she could do was give him a faint smile. She ran her hand through her hair nervously and he moved closer to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. He pulled her against him and she laid her head in the crook of his neck. He kissed the top of her head, "You don't have to say anything. You just needed to know."

* * *

"Oh, oh! There he is, I see him!" Holland pushed through the mountains of bodies that surrounded her making her way over to Declan. "Declan! Declan, hey! Over here," He turned around when he felt a hand wrap around his arm. He looked over his shoulder to find Holland standing there, "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

She tripped over her foot and stumbled forward, but Carter grabbed her waist keeping her upright. She turned around and gave him a wide smile before turning back towards her brother. Declan noticed Carter's hand on his sister's waist and he narrowed his eyes, "What the hell is going on? Did you get my sister drunk, man?" Holland slipped away and off into the party with the college students.

Carter let out a laugh, shaking his head repeatedly. "I can't believe you would think that. She came by the apartment looking for you. She started drinking, what the hell was I supposed to do?" He spit into Declan's face, but he could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Oh, I don't know. Get drunk and take advantage of my sister," Declan barked back.

Carter shook his head, clenching his jaw. "I would never take advantage of her. But if she offered, I would be an idiot to reject her. I mean look at her, she's smoking hot." He glanced over to see Holland dancing with a random college girl on the table. She threw her hands into the air and laughing, she glanced over towards Carter and waved. Declan pushed him backwards by the chest, causing him to stumble. Carter narrowed his eyes on Declan, "I would fuck her so good, she-" But before he could say another word – Declan punched him.

Someone screamed and Holland snapped her head in that direction, seeing the scene unfold in front of her. Carter fell onto the ground, unable to keep his balance and Declan was standing above him. She jumped off of the table and rushed towards them. Pushing past everyone, "Declan! What did you do?"

He turned around angrily and grabbed her arm, "I don't want you alone with him. Okay?"

She yanked her arm free from his grip and ran to Carter's side, helping him up. But he pushed her away from him. She grabbed Carter's arm, but he shouted in her face. "You had to bring me with you. You couldn't just let me stay at the apartment. You did this."

"I didn't do anything! You were the one who started with him," She yelled back. Everyone was staring at them. "You know I actually believed your apology but now, forget it. I still do hate you," She stormed past him and outside of the party.

**_Holland: Hey, sorry. I'm not going to be able to make it tonight. Rain check?  
Chuck: Of course, tonight wasn't looking that well anyway._**

_**Holland: Meet me at Constance?**  
** Nate: See you soon.**_

"Holly." She heard Carter behind her so she started walking away, but he ran to catch up to her. "Holland," He grabbed her arm to make her face him, "Wait!" She jumped at the force in his grip and stared up at him. "I shouldn't have freaked out like that. I shouldn't have said that to Declan."

She placed her hands on her hips, "What did you even say to him?"

He swallowed hard and looked up into the sky, before refocusing on her. "He accused me of trying to take advantage of you." She raised an eyebrow so he continued quickly, "Which I wasn't doing at all. I was trying to show you that you can trust me again. That I changed. But he was making me so angry. I told him I'd be stupid to reject you if you were asking." Holland blew out an annoyed breath and folded her arms across her chest. "And that I would fuck you so hard that you'd forget how to walk." He scratched the back of his head.

Holland's jaw dropped and she lifted her bag and swung it at him. He jumped back but she kept smacking him with it. "You dick!" He grabbed her arms, forcing her to stop swinging but she struggled against him. "How could you say that? Especially to my brother. After everything that we've been through, I thought I knew you better than this." She freed her arms from his grasp, "I hate you."

"Then walk away, Holland." He shouted at her. "But don't come back to my apartment, don't come back into my life," He shook his head, "Just walk away and never look back. Because I can't keep doing this back and forth shit. I'm trying to show you that I care, but I can't keep doing it if this is how things will be."

She bit her lip before nodding her head, "As you wish, Carter." She turned on her heel and started to disappear into the darkness down the street, leaving Carter standing outside of a party, drunk and alone. He threw his head back before sitting down on the steps out front of the house and pulled out his blunt from his pocket. He brought it to his lips, but before lighting it – he dropped it to the ground and walked home.

* * *

Holland saw Nate standing against the wall of Constance and she ran over to him, jumping into his arms. He stumbled back against the wall and she wrapped her legs around his waist as she kissed him. He pulled away, brushing the hair out of her f"ace. "What was that for?"

She kissed him once more, "I was having a really crappy night and I needed it."

He grinned at her before kissing her once more and placing her onto the ground. "Want to go back to your place, or just hang out outside for a little while." She shrugged her shoulders and looked over at him, "It's up to you."

He pulled her towards him, grabbing her hand and interlocking their fingers. "We can go back to your place, it has more privacy. My mom is always awake anymore, since everything happened with my dad. She barely sleeps. Maybe having a house to herself with calm her down."

Holland nodded, "We should go by and see her some time though. I miss your mom."

"Yeah," Nate agreed, "Maybe."

Their phones rang simultaneously and they pulled out their phones seeing a blast from Gossip Girl. Holland scanned her eyes over it, allowing a gasp to leave her lips when she stared at the picture on her screen. She swallowed hard before reading:

_Attention, Upper East Siders! Gossip Girl is here to warn you to hide all of your left overs because it seems that the Queens have a knack for sharing. Much to Blair's demise, our Romeo has been spotted with a new Juliet – one in the redhead variety. I guess switching lab partners isn't only used in science. Isn't that right, **H**?_


	6. The Return of the Old Holland

_Author's Note:  
__Hey everyone! Here's another update! Please please please tell me your thoughts on the story so far and thank you so much for reading. The more reviews, the more I'll want to write! Until next time, darlings!_

* * *

Attention, Constance Seniors! Hide your Chanel and Prada bags, ladies, because **Holland Braxton** is on the prowl. What's next on your to do list, **H**? Keeping it out of the circle or should we just find **Chuck **now?

And with the new school year brings taunting exes, how are you holding up, **S**? Or is the new girl just too much for you to handle. Out with the old and in with the new, but sadly – **Serena Van der Woodsen **belongs in last year's season.

Things got heated at the Phi Omega Psi House last night between long-time friends, **C **and **D**. Would it be our returning princess who drove a knife between the two roommates, or were punches just being thrown? I'm sure time will tell.

You know you love me.

XOXO, Gossip Girl.

**6\. The Return of the Old Holland **

**Flashback**

_Holland covered her face with her hands and leaned forward, trying to stop the pounding. "Can we just drive?" She shouted to the driver, pressing the side of her head to the cold window sill. She had lost count of how many drinks she had and she just wanted to go home. But he ignored her. "Carter! Drive."_

_She glanced over at him, peaking through her eyelashes. But everything was a blur. She couldn't see straight. He placed his hand on her thigh and she forced her eyes closed. He ran his thumb along her skin, his touch felt like flames. But she shrugged him off, crossing her leg over the other. "Holly, are you okay?"_

_"The pills," She groaned, leaning forward and pulling her knees towards her chest. He seemed perfectly fine. "Why didn't they affect you like this? Oh my God, my head feels like it's – I can't even see."_

_He grabbed her chin in his right hand and turned her head to inspect her. She fluttered her green eyes open and he searched them carefully, but they were glazed over and incoherent. He slammed his hand on the steering wheel and she rubbed her temples, "I gotta take you to the hospital."_

_He turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared as it started, but as he put the car into drive Holland grabbed his arm. She dug her nails into his skin accidently, but snapped at him through clenched teeth. "No! You can't. I took pills, and you, you were drinking. We'll get arrested and my stomach pumped. Gossip Girl would have a field day with that one. Just take me home," He bit the inside of his cheek so she pleaded, "please." He shook his head before throwing it back in annoyance. _

_He leaned over and planted a chaste kiss on her lips, "You're lucky you're so damn cute."_

_She grabbed his hand and gave him a weak smile, "You can stay as long as you want to make sure I'm okay. But I'll be alright. I promise, Baizen. I'll sleep it off." He didn't reply so she squeezed his hand, getting him to look at her, "Okay?"_

_He nodded, licking his lips, "Yeah, yeah okay."_

* * *

Holland groaned pushing herself onto her elbows as the light shone through her curtains. All of her mistakes from yesterday came flooding her mind and she pulled the covers over her head. Maybe she could avoid today altogether. Fake she was sick, the flu was going around wasn't it?

There was a knock on the door followed by her mother's voice, prompting her to get up and ready for school. Breakfast would be in ten minutes. Breakfast made Holland sick to her stomach. She didn't want to eat, she wanted to disappear. She didn't want to have to face Declan, or Blair, or Nate, or Carter – she wanted to catch the next flight back to London. The door opened and Blair walked into the bedroom, earning a terrified look from Holland. "Blair? What," She pealed the blankets off of her and picked up her robe pulling it on, "Are you doing here?"

"I came to see how you were holding up, after last night's Gossip Girl blast, of course." Blair took in Holland's expression and nodded her head, "So I take it that it's true. You've been playing the field with Nate." Holland stepped forward but Blair held up her hands, "B. You have to understand."

"I don't want you near him." She stated with her pitch heightening. Holland pulled her eyebrows together and bit the inside of her cheek. Blair raised her chin, "You knew everything that went on with him and Serena. You knew how much he meant to me, but you went ahead and did it anyway. Friends don't do that to one another, H. So now's your choice. You disappear back to god knows where you came from, or you stay here but don't speak to him."

Blair raised an eyebrow awaiting the red head's response. Holland nodded her head and swallowed hard, glancing up at Blair. "You know how much you mean to me, B. You're like a sister to me. So if that's what I need to earn back your trust, I will stay away from Nate. I won't speak to him, look at him, I won't even remember his name." Blair nodded slowly, walking over and kissing Holland's cheek triumphantly before stepping out of the room, "I knew you would chose correctly."

After Holland heard the ding of the elevator, signaling her departure she picked up her phone from the dresser. She had missed calls and text messages, alongside with another Gossip girl blast. It was more bashing over her reputation and wondering who her next victim would be. She rolled her eyes before texting a number.

**Holland: Hey, DK. I really miss you. Things haven't been the same around here and it would be great to talk. Call me later?**

Holland let out a light breath before blowing a quick breath out and walking over to her closet to find an outfit for the day. Once she was satisfied with her appearance, she pulled on a pair of sunglasses to mask the hangover she was feeling. She walked downstairs to find her mom and dad sitting at the kitchen table. She walked over to the table, picking up an apple and biting into it. She looked around the room, "Where's Declan?"

Her mother cleared her throat, before pouring syrup over her Belgium waffles. "He had soccer practice this morning, he couldn't make it. Take those glasses off in the house, honey." She insisted, gaining a panicked breath from Holland. Part of their agreement was keeping her drinking under control. She's been home a couple of days and was drunk during most of her time. She pulled the sunglasses away from her eyes and looked towards the ground. "You came home very late last night, I won't stand for that behavior. You know what happened last time."

Holland's eyes caught her mother's and she nodded her head, "I have it under control. I swear."

"You weren't in school yesterday," Her dad added. She took her seat across from her parents and played with the bottom of her skirt nervously. "Where were you?" Holland could feel her heart picking up and she was panicking. They knew something was going on. Did Declan tell them?

The elevator dinged and she turned around to see Nate walking into the suite. He gave both of her parents a warm smile before placing his hand on her shoulder and squeezing it gently. "She was with me last night, we had some bad sushi and she got sick. We went back to my house so she could compose herself before coming home. My mom was awake, so she didn't mind. We didn't want to wake you." He leaned down, kissing her cheek. "You look a lot better this morning."

She grinned up at him with a thankful expression, "I had a good doctor." She stood up from the table and pushed her seat it, "Well we should get going. Wouldn't want to be late to school." She kissed both of her parents' cheeks before grabbing her bag. Once the elevator door closed, she let herself fall back against the wall. "You are quite literally, my knight in shining armor, Mister Archibald."

He pushed his shaggy hair out of his eyes and tilted his head to the side, "It's easy when the damsel keeps finding herself in distress. I wanted to stop by to see how you were holding up. I'm sure Blair has gotten to you, forbid you from seeing me?" She nodded her head and he let out a rough laugh. "We should stay away from each other for a while, right? Give her time to heal."

She snuck a quick glance at him, wanting to keep things exactly how they were. She felt safe…happy. But that happiness could only stay for so long before something ruined it. And that something would be her best friend. She owed it to Blair, they've been best friends since they were in diapers. "I guess so," She spoke quietly. He stepped closer to her, grabbing her waist in his hands. She stared up into his blue eyes and trailed her fingers through his hair. "This is goodbye for a while," She let out softly.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers for a few moments before the elevator door opened and they pulled away. When they stepped out that elevator – they would be strangers.

* * *

She took a long route to school, wanting to clear her thoughts circling inside her head. Everything had turned out so differently than she presumed when she boarded that plane back home. Not only did she have to face her demons with her friends – but with herself. Her enemies somehow seemed to be the easiest obstacle to overcome. She let her fingers trail along the railing as she walked over the small bridge to the garden her grandfather always took her. As she grew closer to the bench, she noticed someone sitting on it. As soon as they made eye contact, he stood up and started to storm past her. She reached out, grabbing his arm and halting him. "Dec! Just talk to me."

He turned around with his nostrils flared and towering a foot over her. Sometimes she wondered how they were related with all their differences in height, looks, hair color. They were completely different. He shook his head, turning his head slightly to glance at her, "I have nothing to say."

Holland swallowed hard, "Not even how much you hate me? How stupid I am? Nothing at all?" His brown eyes caught hers for a slight moment before darting towards the ground again. Sure, he could scream and yell all he wanted – but it wouldn't make a difference. "I'm not like you, Declan. I'm not the perfect child that you are with perfect grades and extracurricular activities. I have a drug addiction and drinking problems, rehab in my case files. So whatever it is that you're thinking, it's nothing that I haven't thought about myself. I've made mistakes in the past…but I'm trying to change."

Declan crossed his arms across his chest and looked up into the sky, dark clouds surrounding them. "I just want to know one thing." Holland shook her head up and down, awaiting the question. She felt her stomach drop, scared of what he would ask. "You two seemed very comfortable around one another last night. I just want to know if there's something going on between the two of you that I don't know about. Have you been with Carter?"

Holland blinked a few times, running over the options in her head. She's lied so many times in the past that it should be simple. Just sell a lie and everything else will go away. But looking into his eyes, seeing the love and respect that would vanish away if he knew the truth. He would look at her differently. "Of course not," She shook her head. "Yes, we've hung out in the past. We partied together before my departure, but that's all it ever was. He had good drugs and I had good parties."

"And London?"

She pulled her eyebrows together, thinking back to the time he caught her with someone else. Sure, they weren't together anymore. She was allowed to date whoever the hell she wanted and she did. She was dating Porter Prescott and they had fun, but Carter came to visit. He wanted to fix things – and that only led to more hate, more conflicted feelings. Facing the person who you loved, who betrayed you, for the first time in years. "We happened to be in the same place at the same time."

Rain started to fall slowly over the two of them, "If I find out this is a lie."

Holland cut him off, "It's not. I promise."

* * *

Holland chewed on the end of the yellow highlighter as she kept reading over her notes and color coating all the important information. It was something she picked up after Declan over the years. She thought studying would be the best way to avoid Nate, and Blair, and the minions – she was trying to follow Blair's strict orders. "I've never seen you abide by anyone's rules before."

Holland rolled her eyes at the intrusion of shielding herself away from the rest of the school. She thought that the library would be the safest place – she guessed wrong.

She glanced up for a second to see Chuck take the seat beside her. He could have sat anywhere – they were the only two in the room. But he chose to torment her. "That's what happens when you're caught kissing your best friend's ex-boyfriend. And I'd very much like to not get kicked off the Dynasty Island." She gathered all her books in her bag and stood up quickly. "So thank you very much." But he grabbed her elbow.

She looked up at him as he stood up in pursuit, towering over her. She crossed her arms over her chest and waited for him to speak. "You should have told me you were shagging Nathaniel."

She could stop the laugh tickling her throat, "And what? Ask if you wanted to join?" She shook her head and adjusted the bag over her shoulder, "Look, it was a thing that happened and there's no changing that. If I have to hide out and avoid Nate for a little to win back Blair's trust – that's exactly what I'll do. Nate understands that."

He chuckled under his breath and shook his head, staring at someone behind her. Holland turned around to see Nate standing in the doorway, motioning his head for her to follow. She huffed out a breath before turning back around to Chuck but a grin was plastered on his face. "Seems he was misinformed. Better go clear things up. Try not to have sex while I'm gone. I might consider that threesome," He whispered roughly in her ear as he walked by so she smacked him with the binder she was carrying. He walked up to Nate and placed his hand on his shoulder, "Nathaniel."

Once Chuck left the room, Holland stormed over to Nate hitting him with her binder as well. This was the most it had been used all year. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Can't you tell I'm ignoring you?"

"That's why I was looking for you. Want to explain what that's all about?" He raised an eyebrow and Holland's mouth dropped open as if it were obvious. "Blair! I'm avoiding you because of Blair. Didn't we establish that earlier? She's my best friend and I slept with her boyfriend!" She shrieked.

He rolled his eyes, "Ex boyfriend."

She bit her bottom lip, "Doesn't matter if it were past, present, or future. Friends aren't supposed to do that. She must feel so betrayed. First, Serena and now me." He shook his head, leaning forward to kiss her but she pushed his chest. "What do you think you're doing?"

He furrowed his eyebrows together, "Well I'm certainly not trying to head butt you, so what the hell do you think I'm doing? Now shut up and kiss me." Holland stared blankly back at him, tempted to give in one last time. Whether it was the softness of his lips, or the cool shade of blue in his eyes – she wanted to melt into him. But she couldn't. "What?" He questioned.

"Earlier, you were all on board the avoiding train. What changed your mind?" She swallowed hard, taking a step closer to him and he scratched the back of his head. He looked nervous, which wasn't a look normally found on the Archibald's. But whatever was bothering him, she wanted to know. "Tell me."

He leaned forward, tipping her chin back and pressing his lips to her gently. As much as her mind was screaming for her to push him away, to tell him off, and run out of there – her lips had a mind of their own. She tugged on the collar of his shirt, pulling him closer to her and letting their lips fall in sync with one another. Once they pulled away, he brushed a few fallen hairs from her eyes, "I don't know where they came from but I have feelings for you. I can't explain them, but every time I'm with you – I can't think of anything else." Holly's lips parted slowly as she stared into his eyes, "Listen. I gotta get to class, but I'll see you later."

He took a step backwards out of the door and Holland nodded her head, breathlessly. "Yeah."

Once the library door shut and the library fell back into silence, Holland ran a hand through her hair. _Nate just told her that he liked her._ She shook her head and went to walk to the door, but Chuck turned the corner with a smirk. "Well, who would've seen that one coming? Too bad you're still strung up on Baizen."

Holland rolled her eyes, trying to walk around him with the mention of his name. "I'm not in the mood, Chuck." But he grabbed her arm, pulling her back to look at him. Her jaw clenched tightly and her nostrils flared in annoyance. "Could you for once stop being such a Basshole?"

"I heard everything that Nate just told you and if you don't want it getting back to Blair, I suggest you stand here very quietly and listen to my negotiation." I crossed my arms across my chest so he continued, "I need Serena to be the reigning queen and knock Blair off her throne. I was looking to enlist your help."

Holly's jaw dropped, "You want me, to sabotage my best friend… for you?"

He rolled his eyes, "If roles were reversed, I would definitely keep Nate preoccupied for the night. Though, I'm sure you would come up with certain methods that would be much more satisfying," He pursed his lips together with a low purr to his sultry voice.

Holland stepped on his foot angrily and he leaned forward, groaning in pain. She grabbed the back of his hair and smiled smugly in her victory when his eyes met hers. "Now listen here, Charles Bartholomew Bass. You may have some blackmail on me, but I could easily dig into some of our old files and ruin any chance that you think you may have with Blair. I could pull up pictures of my fifteenth birthday before I lost my virginity to a certain Basshole. Or maybe tell her the real reason we left her damn thanksgiving celebration after her father left. I could ruin you as easily as you could ruin me, Chuck. So if Blair is in your best interest, which I believe that she is in your sick twisted heart, I would leave my relationship with Nathaniel locked in your brain."

She let go of his chunk of hair and he leaned up straight before fixing the scarf that was wrapped around his neck. "I see the old Holland is still locked in there," She gave him a sarcastic smile before walking past him and out the library door.

* * *

Back at the Braxton suite, things were slowly getting back into the groove of things as dinner was swinging around. Gus had a morning shift, being able to get off early for the family dinner. After having their little talk by the garden, Declan seemed to calm down. Holland finished setting the table and Declan walked into the room, leaning up against the frame of the door. "So how was school today? Anything interesting happen?"

Holland straightened out the fork before turning to her brother, "If you are interrogating me on Nate, please drop it." Declan's eyebrows rose and she knew he wasn't going to leave until he got an answer. "We've been dating, secretly, since the night I returned. Okay?" She blew out an annoyed breath, "I was drunk when he came over and he was comforting me. We ended up kissing and then things escalated. We've been trying to stay secret but someone saw us last night, after I left you and Carter. I met up with him outside of Constance. He showed up here this morning to make sure I was okay, but we're done."

"Does Blair know?"

I nodded, "Yeah. She saw the blast last night. She stormed my bedroom this morning telling me to either fly back to where I came from or to not talk to Nate. I'm trying my best to ignore him."

Declan stepped fully into the dining room, grabbing the napkins out of my hands and placing them around the table. "Is that what you want? Or do you want to be with Nate?"

She shook her head. Sure, she was having fun with Nate. But there was still one nagging person in the back of her mind. No matter how hard she wanted to move on, it always came back to Carter. Her trust was practically shattered into a million tiny pieces because of him. She looked over at Declan, "I don't know how I feel. I cut myself off before I can allow myself to get hurt."

He rubbed her shoulder, "That's a hard life to live, H."

She let out a sigh as the rest of the family enter the room, taking their seats at the table. _Well that was her life._ They ate in silence until the elevator door dinged and Holland looked over. They weren't expecting any guests. None that she knew of. Thinking of Carter, her stomach fluttered but panic washed over as the person walked out of the elevator.

The mystery girl fell against the wall, struggling to keep herself upright and the rest of Holly's family exchanged confused and worried looks. Holland pushed back away from the table and shot out of her seat towards the stumbling girl. She fell onto the floor, so Holland dove beside her, helping her lean her back against the wall. Holland brushed the blonde hair out of her face and searched her blue eyes, "Dakota? Kota, look at me. What happened? Are you okay?"

Her mother's voice rung in the background, "Do you know her?"

"Kota? Damn it, Kota. What the hell did you take?" She dug into her friend's pockets, pulling out a small baggie full of different colored pills. She turned to Gus who was now hovering over them, "Get me some water with some sugar in it. Dec, get me a wet rag, make it freezing cold water." She barked out orders before letting out a deep breath and pulling Dakota to her feet and lugging her towards the bathroom, "How the hell did you get here?"


	7. Wrecking Ball

Author's Note:

Sorry I haven't updated, I wanted to make this chapter really long because you've all been so awesome. There are a few hints of why Holland left the Upper East Side and you will be finding out very very soon. Thank you so much and please leave reviews!

* * *

Leave it to **Holland Braxton** to bring glory and fame to the Upper East Side. London's party girl has walked into the spotlight, well more on the lines of stumbled. Will the sudden entrance of **Dakota Watts** bring out some of Holly's secrets, or was she also sworn to secrecy?

With the fast paced arrival of Fashion Week, it's only fitting that we pull in the celebrities. **Serena van der Woodsen **has been spotted with Poppy Lifton. Now that S has taken over the social ladder, is she vying to rid away her friends too? B doesn't seem so pleased.

Get ready for a wild week, Upper East Siders, because I'm planning to end it with a bang. And H's secrets are about to explode.

You know you love me.

Xoxo, Gossip Girl.

**7\. Wrecking Ball**

Holland was sitting on top of her duvet on her bed scrolling down Gossip Girl's page. This stupid bitch thinks she has some major dirt on Holland and now she needs to do some damage control. She loved having Dakota around, but it also terrified her. The only time she ever relapsed after she left the UES, was in London. And now that her friend was back, she was scared that she would relapse again.

Dakota pranced into the room with a lot of pep in her step. She came busting through the elevator door four days ago, and since then she's been feeling a lot better. The color was finally resurfacing on her face. "I just completely adore your shower, the water pressure is unbelievable."

She sat down on the bed beside Holland and looked over her shoulder, spotting her picture on the screen. Holland shifted uneasily as Dakota ripped the laptop out of her friend's hands and started reading the blast. "Welcome to the Upper East Side, where all your secrets are sure to come out."

"Why the hell am I on here?" She glanced up at the redhead before taking a deep breath. "Who is Gossip Girl? I'm going to tell them a little piece of my mind."

She started to stand up, anger seething from her nostrils. Holland stood up in pursuit, grabbing Dakota's arm, "You can't!"

"What do you mean I can't? They are spreading rumors about me! I won't allow that."

"I mean, you can't. No one knows who Gossip Girl is. They're an anonymous blog who send blasts out that people send in." Holland explained as Dakota crossed her arms across her chest. "Believe me, if we knew who she was, there would have been an end to all of this years ago. She's started some pretty nasty rumors in the past."

She let out a sigh and rubbed Holland's arms, "About Carter?" Holland swallowed hard looking up at her friend. She's told Kota almost everything, minus the reason of her departure. She knew of her relationship with Carter, the drugs, and rehab. She knew mostly everything. "No, not Carter. That's the one thing that Gossip Girl can't break. We were good at hiding, I guess."

There was a rapid pang of knocks at her door, and it opened slowly revealing Declan peaking through the doorway. "Breakfast is ready if you want to come down." Holland thanked him and told him they'd be right down but before he left, he spoke one more time. "I'm just warning you, Carter is over."

Holland's body felt like it went completely numb. She hasn't seen him in almost a week. She hoped that maybe he left and would never return. That fantasy was too good to be true. Dakota smiled at her brother, "We'll be down shortly." The door closed and Dakota turned to her friend, "How're you feeling?"

"Nauseous," Holland replied quickly before sitting down on the edge of her bed. She went to run her hand through her hair until she remembered that it was tied back in a braid. She let out a frustrated groan, "I just want the pain to be over."

Dakota kneeled down before her, placing her hands on her knees. "It will be eventually, but you know what the problem is, right?" Holland shook her head slowly, her eyes falling in sync with the other, "You're still in love with him."

Holland stood up abruptly, causing Dakota to fall back unto her backside and she made a dash to her bathroom. She kneeled before the toilet but nothing happened, she just sat there allowing Dakota's words to flow through her head. It explains all the feelings and anger and betrayal. It also explains why she couldn't let herself feel for Nate. Chuck was right. She was still strung up on Baizen.

"You ok?" Dakota stood in the doorframe of the bathroom and Holland pushed herself to her feet before fixing her outfit. She was wearing an oversized blazer that she took from Declan and a pair of black stockings. You had me worried for a moment. I didn't mean to upset you and I'm probably completely wrong."

Holland shook her head, "No, you're not. You're completely right and that's what terrifies me."

* * *

They walked down the spiral stairs and into the kitchen where Holland found her mother and Augustus. They both waved and said their polite hellos to Dakota. They would be lying if they said that Dakota staying in their house made them uncomfortable. But she was their guest.

"Honey," Michelle spoke, grabbing Holland's attention. She handed Holly and Dakota plates and silverware, "Set the table."

They walked into the empty dining room and began setting the table. The usual five person meal had become an eight, with Dakota, Carter, and Augustus' new girlfriend, Emily. Once the table was set, everyone began to gather around. Sebastian sat at the head of the table, with Michelle to his right and Gus and Emily beside them. Declan sat at the other head of the table, leaving the only empty seat between Dakota and Carter.

Holland swallowed hard before taking her seat and staring down at her plate trying desperately to keep her eyes away from Carter. Breaking the silence, Sebastian spoke, "It's wonderful to meet you, Emily. You're welcomed here anytime."

Gus smiled at his girlfriend, taking her hand under the table and giving it a squeeze. "Thank you, Mr. Braxton." But she was cut off, "Please, call me Sebastian."

She gave a nervous smile, brushing her dark hair out of her eyes. "Of course, thank you for having me."

"So how long have you two been together?"

She blushed, "Um, it's about to be our four months next week, but we went to grad school together." Declan's eyes grew wide, "You've been dating four months and we are just now hearing about her?" He accused his older brother.

Gus rubbed the back of his neck, "We were trying to keep it between us. But we actually have some news, which is why we're here." He took Emily's hand in his own and showed off the diamond ring on her finger. "We're engaged."

Michelle's eyes grew wide staring at her eldest son beside her, she hugged him tightly and everyone around the table wore huge smiles. "Congratulations! Welcome to the family, Emily."

"It's about damn time, Gussy." Holland laughed, with a smirk on her face. Carter glanced over at her, watching the happiness wash over her face. Remembering the times that she wore that smile because of him. Emily caught the way Carter was staring at the girl on his side, "How long have you two been dating?"

Holland's smile dropped from her face immediately as she sat up straight and looked over at Carter, who had a matching expression. "No, we're not together." Holland explained quickly, earning a confused look from Emily. She pouted, "I'm sorry. I just assumed because of how he was looking at you."

"How was he looking at me?" Holland asked and Carter's cheeks grew bright red and his blue eyes darted down to the table. Holland noticed how embarrassed he was and placed her hand on his knee, "How were you looking at me?"

The timer began going off in the kitchen and Carter jumped out of his seat, "I'll go get that for you, Michelle." As Carter disappeared through the doors of the kitchen, Holly stood up. "I'm gonna go help him with that," Declan's jaw clenched but she disappeared through the doors.

She walked in to find the oven door open but Carter was leaning against the counter with his head in his hands. He ran his fingers through his curly hair before raising his head and his eyes caught Holland's. She stared at the tray still sitting in the oven, "You should probably get that before it burns."

He rolled his eyes before putting on a pair of oven mitts and removing the food from inside. As he closed the oven door, Holly stood directly in front of him. He placed the tray onto the counter and watched her carefully. Her expression was unreadable, like she had no idea what she was doing following him into the kitchen. So he broke the silence, "So you've been sleeping with Golden Boy?"

Holland let out a sigh and shrugged her shoulders, "That's none of your business."

That answer pissed him off. How could she stand in front of him and say that, especially after she followed him in here where he just wanted to clear his head. "Yes, it is." She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off before she could even start. "Last time I checked, all of this was my business because I've been trying to fix everything between us."

"There is no us, Carter! You made pretty damn sure of that last week, or did you forget your entire speech? Did you forget how you yelled at me to stay out of your life? Well, guess what? I tried and here you are again, back at my house. Perhaps, it's _you_ who needs to stay away from me."

He shook his head back and forth, "I don't want to stay away from you. I don't want to see you with other people. I don't want you fucking Nate Archibald. Can't you see that?"

Holland placed her hands on her hips, "Maybe that's the problem."

"No, the problem is that you keep walking away from all of this."

"Oh really? Because I walked away when you blackmailed me into leaving? I walked away when we hit that car that one night? I walked away when you completely humiliated me in front of my parents. Don't you dare say that I walked away, you pushed me away...repeatedly." Her tone was hitched and shaky, tears were brimming her eyes but she would not let them fall, not this time. "I hate you. I hate you so much." But that's when the tears fell.

He stepped forward, wiping the tears from under her eyes and his face softened. He shook his head slowly, "No. No you don't."

She blew out a small breath and locked eyes with him, "But I should. I should hate you for everything you've put me through."

"Then what's stopping you?" She went to lean forward, to kiss him, to tell him that no matter how much she wanted to hate him - the reason she couldn't, was because she still loved him. But the kitchen door swung open and Dakota walked into the room, "We met before, right? London."

Dakota rolled her eyes at Carter, "I don't like you." She pulled Holland's arm, ushering her out of the kitchen and fixing her makeup. "What just happened in there? You didn't kiss him, did you?" Holland shook her head, "Good. Because you deserve better than that. Come on, let's get back to breakfast before your mum begins to worry." When they walked back into the dining room, Dakota sat in between Carter and Holland gaining a thankful glance from Declan.

* * *

By the time Dakota and Holland entered the nightclub, the place was in full swing. There were walls of dancing bodies surrounding them. Holland felt bad for not joining Blair at the fashion show dress rehearsal, but she didn't want to hear anymore of Serena's "betrayal". Blair kept grudges, she still brought up the time that Holly ate the last popsicle... in third grade. But that was Blair, strong headed and a truly, impeccable memory.

Dakota had stated that she wanted to live the New York life. She wanted to understand why this was the city that never sleeps. So Holland enlisted some help from Chuck, Declan, and Dan Humphrey?

Chuck ordered a round of shots for their table and his eyes were glued to Dakota and her very low neckline. "So, Dakota. How long were you thinking on staying in this very tasteful environment?"

Holland's green eyes went into an eye roll and placed her hand to his forehead, "No. This is not happening. Find someone else to sink your claws into, Chuck. She is off-limits."

"Oh, come on, H," Dakota whined. Chuck smirked before taking a sip of his scotch and extending a hand to the redhead, "You should listen to your friend more often, Holly. She seems to have a good head on those shoulders. Those perfectly tanned shoulders," He licked his lips keeping a stare on her.

Holland shook her head, grabbing Kota's hand and standing. Turning to Dan she pleaded, "Please keep on eye on these two. Don't let them get themselves into too much trouble. Maybe having some Brooklyn trash with them would be a good thing, for once." They walked away from the table and made their way to the bathroom. Once the door shut, Holland let herself lean against it. Dakota scrunched her face in confusion, "What's wrong?"

"Everything," Holland answered simply. She thought having Dakota here would help, but it had the opposite effect. Since she arrived, tension with her parents rose, she was forced to accept her feelings for Carter, her friends haven't exactly been her friends, and she was hanging out with Humphrey. Of all people. "I just want things to go back to the way they were. Before all of this."

Dakota nodded her head, "Is this about Carter?"

Holland pushed herself from the door angrily, "Stop saying his name! I don't want to love him, I don't want to be with him. He has been a horrible person in the past and made all the wrong decisions. What would that say about me, if I forgave him?"

Dakota squeezed her shoulder, "That you're human." Holland swallowed hard, listening to her words. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She nodded her head so Dakota walked to the door, "We should probably be getting back."

They walked back to the table and saw a bag in Chuck's hands. He was holding out a pill to Dan and Holland stormed towards him. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Handing out party favors, you want one, H? It's your favorite," Chuck sang with a menacing grin towards the redhead. Holland shook her head and fell back into her seat. "Well anyone else want one?" The rest of their group nodded, taking the pills out of his hands, even Declan. They all threw back another shot to wash it down and they stood up to go on the dance floor. Leaving Holland sitting at the table alone... with that bag of ecstasy.

She placed her chin in the palm of her hand, glaring at the bag and wanting it to vanish away. It wasn't Chuck's fault. He didn't know about her past. Hell, neither did Declan really. Only what she told him yesterday. Her mother wanted to keep it between Holland and the parents, though Gus eventually found out. She used to get high so often, that it had become a lifestyle. So staring at that little pill was so tempting.

She cursed under her breath before grabbing the bag and pulling the pill out with her fingers. She looked into the crowd to find Dakota grinding on Chuck, which made her roll her eyes. Dan stood awkwardly, trying to make conversation with a girl. Poor Brooklyn bound, Humphrey. And Declan - well he was being Declan, chatting up a few sorority girls in that back corner. How had Holly become the outcast?

"Whoa, stop what you're thinking," A voice shouted over the loud music as Holland paused, the pill just centimeters away from her lips. "Don't you dare take that."

The pill was snatched out of her hands and thrown to the floor, and her chest heaved. She was so over feeling this way. She just wanted things back to normal. She turned to look at the intruder and couldn't help but roll her eyes. "You know, I'm seriously thinking about getting a restraining order on you. This whole stalking thing," She waved her hand around dramatically, "It's really starting to freak me out."

He smirked, taking a seat beside her. "Get over yourself." She couldn't help but give him a small smile, and the fluttering in her stomach returned. "Where's your British friend? I don't think I like her."

Holland coughed up a laugh, "Believe me. The feeling is definitely mutual, Carter. And she's on the dancefloor with Chuck. He flirts with everything that has a pulse."

"Burning holes into the back of their heads won't do anything. Want to get out of here?" Holland's eyes darted over to his at his obscure invitation. "I am not sleeping with you, Baizen."

He shook his head, standing up and pulling her to her feet. He leaned down to whisper in her ear, "I was going to suggest we get some food and then I would walk you home. But if sex is on your mind," Before he could finish his sentence, Holland pushed his chest and he laughed while walking towards the door. She looked back on last time, Chuck and Dakota were making out, Declan was drinking with one girl on his lap, and Dan was actually dancing with someone. But Dan's eyes caught hers as he watched her leave the club with Carter.

They stepped outside and Holland immediately wrapped her arms around herself. The autumn air was cold at this time of night. Carter shrugged off his jacket and draped it over Holland's shoulders and she gave him a thankful look. "So are you going to the fashion show tomorrow with Blair? Sitting backstage as usual."

Holland shrugged, "I don't know. I have Dakota here and I don't want to leave her. And also, Blair and Serena haven't been on the best terms, and Blair says she's not mad at me, but I know she is. At least, very hurt. I screwed our friendship up. I'm so stupid," Holland stopped walking and rubbed her face with her hands.

Carter stepped towards her, grabbing her neck in both hands and cupping her cheeks. "You are not stupid. You made a choice, maybe it wasn't the best one. But we all make stupid choices. Ones we regret for a very long time. But we have to move forward from it."

Holland swallowed hard, Carter's hands still cupping her cheeks. She could feel his thumbs grazing her cheekbones and her heart felt like it was trying to jump out of her chest. Her breathing became unsteady and her eyes kept darting from his deep blue eyes to his lips. He was driving her crazy.

"Come on," He let her go and started to walk again. Leaving Holland a shaky mess, before rushing to catch up with him. "I know exactly where we can go," He grabbed her hand and pulled her down a familiar road.

They stopped outside of a small diner, the metal was rusting and every time the door opened, an obnoxious bell rang signaling their entrance. The lights were dimmed and the booths were a little beaten up. Normally Holland would turn her nose away in disgust but instead, a huge grin grew on her face. "This is where you brought me on our first date," She pushed on the door and walked in. The smell of grease and french fries wafted through the air. An elderly woman narrowed her eyes on the duo before smiling and sitting them down. "Wow, haven't seen the two of you in forever. Good to know that love at least survives somewhere."

Carter let out a nervous laugh, "Oh no, we're n-" But Holland reached forward abruptly grabbing his hand. As soon as their fingers touched, he stopped talking. Holland flashed the waitress a smile, "Thank you, Rosie. We'll still have our usuals, if you still remember what that is."

Rosie placed her notepad back into the pouch, "Two bacon cheeseburgers both cooked medium well, one with no onions, the other with extra onions and extra cheese. An order of fries with cheese and bacon. And two waters?" Carter and Holland both raised their eyebrows in surprise. "You two were my favorite customers. Of course I remember."

Once she walked away, Carter was staring down at his hand, which Holland was still holding. She apologized once she noticed and went to pull away, but Carter interlocked their fingers. "Don't ever apologize for holding my hand." They both smiled shyly, before Carter spoke again. "When she called us a couple, you didn't deny it. You're usually the first one to knock that idea down."

She huffed out, "Is it that crazy to believe that I'm actually having fun with you?"

He shook his head, "I was hoping maybe we could do this again sometime?" Their eyes met and she could actually see the sincerity twirling around in them. He wanted this. "Are you asking me on a date?"

"If that's what you want. If you want two old friends hanging out, we'll be two friends hanging out. If you want it to be a date, it'll be a date. I just want to be here with you. See you laugh, and smile. Sometimes maybe be the reason behind it." Holland couldn't help but grin at him. "See, there it is."

Holland let out a deep breath, "Okay. I'm cutting straight to the point now." Carter's face tensed and she could feel his pulse rise. "My parents are having a premiere party for their new movie this weekend. I was going to go solo, but if you were interested," She cleared her throat and looked up at him. He was hanging onto every single word. She ran a nervous hand through her hair, "Maybe I could take you up on that date?"

"Are you sure? In front of your parents, and Declan would find out. Are you ready for that? Your mom hates me enough already, I can see it in her eyes whenever I'm over."

She squeezed his hand, "I'm positive, Carter. I want this. I want to give us another chance. It's about time everyone finds out about us."

Their food came out and they spoke in comfortable conversation. This has been the first time everything felt right since she's been back. But her phone rang so she pulled it out seeing a number show up on the screen. It was the three year anniversary tomorrow. She hadn't even realized that so much time has passed. Holland bit the inside of her cheek, "Do you know what tomorrow is?" Carter shook his head, not understanding what made her mood change so suddenly. "It's been three years, Carter. Since the accident. I want to go visit her."

"We can go tomorrow, if you'd like."

His eyes never left hers, "Are you sure?"

He nodded, paying their bill and tipping Rosie before they stood up and walked out of the diner. "Yeah, I'm sure. If it means a lot to you, I want to be there to support you."

Holland stepped forward, hugging him tightly and he seemed a little taken back at first. But eventually he wrapped his arms around her and she buried her head into his chest. She felt safe and happy. Everything she's wanted since her return to the Upper East Side. They walked back to Holland's family's suite and she turned around as they stood in the foyer. "Thank you for tonight," She let out a light breath. He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged, "It was fun. I, I had fun."

She nodded her head, stepping forward and pressing the elevator button. But the step put her directly in front of Carter only a few inches away. He could smell the vanilla shampoo she'd used last time she'd showered. And now he was thinking of her showering. His breath got hitched in his throat and she leaned up pressing her lips to his cheek. "See ya tomorrow, Baizen."

And with that she turned around swiftly and disappeared down the hallway. Leaving Carter standing in the doorway of the elevator, wanting her all that much more than he did five minutes prior. She was driving him completely crazy.

* * *

**(Next Day)**

Holland stood out front of the hospital room with her hand in position to knock on the door. She hadn't been here since the week it happened. She felt horrible. It brought back all her memories of what happened that night. And what happened after. Carter saw how scared she was, so he stepped forward, knocking on the door. A couple seconds later the door opened, revealing a small child grinning widely. Her blonde hair tied in two pigtails and missing her front tooth. "Hello! Who are you?"

"Julia," Someone shouted from behind the tiny girl. She looked tired. Her dark blonde hair was a mess, bags under her eyes. A hospital gown draped down her body. But she looked healed now. "What did I tell you about opening the door?"

She looked up to find two faces she never thought she would see again. She rolled her eyes, moving forward to slam the door shut but Holland deflected it. She shoved her hand against the door, forcing it to stay open. "We're just here to talk, Allison! Please!" Holland shouted, "We wanted to see how you were doing."

Allison let the door fall open, revealing the white hospital room. There were pictures hanging on the walls. Crayons sprawled across the bed. "Fine," Allison huffed out. "You could come in. Don't mind the mess, it's hard to care for a three year old in a hospital. My mom tries to help, but she's a cop so there's only so much time she can take off. I'm sorry if this is rude, but why the hell are you here?"

Carter sat down on the chair, "It's been three years."

Allison rolled her eyes, "Yes I know. I think I would remember when I got hit by a car and forced to go into early labor. It's Julia's birthday today," She picked up the toddler, "How old are you today?"

Julia covered her face with her hands and smiled widely, a big toothy grin. "I'm tfreee."

"She's gorgeous," Holland watched as Julia blushed. Pushing her face into Allison's neck and hiding for the compliment. "She looks just like you."

Allison placed her onto the bed, where she immediately grabbed her crayons and started to draw. "She lucked out in that department. Her dad was an impeccable jerk. Stayed with us for the first four months until he bailed and never came back. I guess it's good that he left when she was so young. She doesn't remember him."

"I'm sorry," Holland whispered. Julia was so cute and adventurous, she couldn't see why her dad wouldn't want to know his child. "About everything, Allison. Truly. We made a huge mistake that night, but we weren't the best kids. We had problems, not that it's any excuse."

Allison held her hand up, "Not I get it. I used to drink and drive when I was a freshman in college. I thought it was cool. But it's not. Looking back, I regret every decision I made in that state. But it's like the alcohol controls you. But thanks for stopping by. I can't believe it's been three years." She stood up adjusting her oxygen tank and placing it around her nose. The accident had collapsed a lung, caused a few broken bones, and forced her into premature labor. Julia was born four months early and hooked up to a incubator for months until she could breathe on her own. They had survived a lot.

Holland walked over to Julia watching as she colored in a picture of a monkey. She looked up to find Holland hovering over her. "What's your name?"

She sat down on the bed beside her, "I'm Holly. This is my friend, Carter," She pointed at Carter which caused Julia to blush. Carter waved to Julia and she looked away bashfully. "He's cute, isn't he?" Julia nodded her head, glancing over at him who was sitting there amused.

The hospital door opened and a nurse walked into the room, "Allison. We need to check Julia's blood sugar levels. Then you have some blood work." She smiled to Carter and Holland before stepping outside.

Carter walked over to Holland, placing his hands on her shoulders. "We should probably get going, we're meeting Chuck again tonight. Right?" Holly nodded, but kept staring at Allison. She had been through so much but she was still strong. It was like she could overcome anything. It was inspiring. "Bye, Julia." Carter waved to the little girl who waved back before handing him the drawing of the monkey. "Wow, this is for me? Thank you!"

"Thanks for stopping by, it was actually nice seeing you guys." They walked out of the hospital and down the hallway but as soon as the elevator doors closed Holland fell against the wall and started to cry. "Whoa. What's wrong, Hol?"

Holland wiped her eyes and blew out a desperate breath. She didn't know why she was crying. Sure, Allison's life wasn't ideal but she survived, she had a daughter, she seemed happy. But this was all her fault. "If you would have just taken me to the damn hospital that night, the whole thing would have been avoided. But I only cared about my damn reputation on Gossip Girl. Couldn't have anyone know I was a druggie and had to have my stomach pumped," She mimicked her own words sarcastically. "We could have killed them both."

Carter stepped forward, grabbing her arms and making her look at him. "But we didn't. They are alive. They survived. We survived. It was a mistake. But it's in the past."

"You almost got disowned, Carter! Your dad threatened to disown you if you didn't pay for the damages. Who the hell makes an eighteen year old pay over $100,000?" She wiped under her eyes and stared up at him. "This was the start of everything bad in my life."

He shook his head, "No. I was stupid. I should have just let him disown me. Instead I hurt you. I just, I won't ever forgive myself for that. I shouldn't have-" But Holland cut him off. "Can we stop talking about it? I just want to get drunk. I need to get drunk." The elevator door opened and they walked out.

He followed her down the hallway rubbing the back of his neck. He looked around before trying to lighten the mood and ran to fall in step beside her, "So you think I'm cute, huh?"

* * *

They arrived at the nightclub, Dal Luna and found Chuck sitting at the table alone. Holland sat beside him, "There's the loner."

He looked up and rolled his eyes, "Nice of you to finally show up. I was beginning to think you were going- wait, why is Baizen here? You know I don't like being associated with low-life scumbags who takes all his daddy's money."

Carter scoffed, trying to cover up a laugh, "Hmm. Sounds like someone else I know." Chuck stood up from his chair and was sizing up Carter. "Come on, pretty boy. What are you going to do, huh?"

Holland looked away from the scene and noticed a familiar looking brunette walk into the club. She groaned causing Carter and Chuck to look towards her. "Who the hell invited Brooklyn's trash?" Dan walked up to them and folded his arms, "Good to see you too, Miss Braxton."

Chuck sat back down, Dan sat across from him leaving Holland and Carter to continue standing where they were. "What are you doing here, Humphrey?"

He leaned forward, folding his hands together in front of him and leaning on his elbows. "So was the really the best you had last night. Please don't tell me that was the great Chuck Bass." Chuck rolled his eyes, telling him to stick around. Chuck kept ordering shots which Holland took with open arms. Dan started to drill Chuck with questions about his life - and family.

"How about we leave family out of it, Humphrey? Not everyone can have a cool, burn out musician as a father. Some of us have to deal with real problems." But Chuck rose his hands, signaling Holland to stop talking. "He was like me, only older... and meaner."

Holland heard her phone ringing from her pocket so she excused herself to answer it. "Kota? Hey are you okay?" She shut the bathroom door behind her and locked it, leaning against the door. She looked over at herself in the mirror. "Chuck was asking about you, it must be that damn accent that has everyone fooled."

Dakota laughed, perching herself on top of Holland's bed. "You should have invited me out tonight. If I'd known you were with Chuck- wait, who else is there? And where did you disappear to last night?"

Holland sighed, "You all took drugs, Kota. And being sober actually means something to me. I'm doing good, I can't ruin that now. I'm tired of not taking control of things that I want. I'm not a pushover and I think it's about time I start doing things for me."

"Like Carter?"

That question had been asked a lot in the past 48 hours. But now she knew her answer. "Actually, yes. I'm tired of second guessing myself with him. I think it's time for me to make my choices on my own." She unlocked the door, "I'll talk to you later, DK."

She opened the bathroom door to chaos. Chuck was standing near a couple, but the girl looked a bit sleazy. He must have thought she was a prostitute because a few seconds later, the girl's boyfriend walked over to Chuck. "Did you just call my girlfriend a prostitute?"

Chuck rolled his eyes, "It was an honest mistake." He went to turn back around and walk away when the guy grabbed his shoulder, pulling him around to face him, "There's nothing honest about it."

Dan jumped out of his seat and tried to intervene the confrontation. "Come on, he said he was sorry." Oh, Humphrey, have the streets of Brooklyn taught you nothing? Do not intervene. But that's when Chuck spoke up again. "It's not my fault your girlfriend dresses like a high class call girl." The boyfriend went to throw a punch, but before he could - Dan Humphrey punched the guy sending him spiraling to the ground.

Carter ran up beside Holland grabbing her waist and pulling them from the club. Once the cold air hit them, they both busted into laughter. Holland felt dizzy, the alcohol lightening her head. "Okay, I gotta admit. I never, _ever _would have seen that coming. I mean come on, Humphrey can throw a mean punch."

"Who was on the phone earlier?"

Holly interlocked their fingers as they walked down the street, "Kota. Just checking up on me. She went to the Fashion Show, took my ticket." Holland tripped over her foot, throwing herself off balance, but she caught herself. "Whoa, I am drunk." She stopped, holding her hand out in front of her, "How many fingers do I have? Did I grow an extra finger?"

Carter tilted his head back laughing, "No. No, Holly. You have five. See, look." He took her hands in his, holding up her pointer finger to count. He counted out loud, placing a light kiss to the tip of every finger. "Five. See, five fingers." Holland's eyes were glued to him, biting her bottom lip and trying to steady her breathing. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Let's go back to your place."

* * *

Holland stumbled into the apartment with Carter laughing behind her. The apartment was pitch black, "Woooooow. Is the apartment always this dark? It's spooky." Carter flicked the light switch on and Holland covered her mouth with her hands, muffling a laugh. "Oh my God, that was like magic!"

Carter pulled her into his bedroom and as soon as the door shut, her lips were on his. He pulled away momentarily, "You aren't wasting any time. Are you, Holly?"

"Shut up," She unbuckled his belt and yanked it from around his waist. "Do you know how much I wanted to do this all night? I'm just taking control of what I want. And this is definitely what I want. I want you. I've always wanted you, Carter."

He grabbed the bottom of her dress, pulling it over her head in a swift movement and tossing it to the floor. His lips found hers in the darkness and he left a trail of kisses down her collarbone. Sure, they've done this plenty of times. But they were nervous and shaky, deeply lost in one another. Every kiss grew hungrier as they tore pieces of clothes off.

They eventually found their way to the bed, stumbling and falling on top of it. Fits of giggles and playful nipping. They were in complete bliss. "Carter," Holland moaned out, her fingers cascading down his toned stomach and back to his chest. He tangled his fingers loosely in her strawberry blonde hair, finding a sensitive spot on her neck.

There was a sudden slam of a door and they both pulled away from the other frantically. "Carter? Are you home? That chick stood me up, I could use a video game buddy." Holland sprawled out from underneath him and fell onto the floor with a loud thud. "Carter? Is someone in there with you? Shit dude, sorry."

Holland felt around on the floor, looking for clothes. Any clothes but all she found was her stockings, boots, and one of Carter's old soccer jerseys? She huffed out before tugging them all on and jumping to her feet. Carter's eyes searched hers quickly, "How are you gonna get out of here without him seeing?"

"Fire escape?" She answered, which sounded more on the lines of a question. Never in her life did Holland think she would find herself climbing out a fire escape. But here she was, opening Carter's window and climbing out. She held on to the ledge and he followed her. "Rain check on this? Because I certainly want to do this again?"

Carter shook his head with a laugh, "Definitely. Good night, Holly."

She kissed him quickly before jumping down and landing fully on the fire escape. "Goodnight, Baizen." She waved before climbing down the ladder and she heard his window close. Once she got to the bottom, she let out a deep breath before walking home. But before she rounded the corner, her phone buzzed.

She pulled out her phone to find a Gossip Girl blast. There was a picture of Holland when she first got off the ladder. Her hair is a wild, untamed mess. Her lipstick is smudged. She was wearing a freakin' jersey for god's sake! She was caught and would have a lot of explaining to do in the morning. But nothing would be able to wipe the grin off of her face.

**_My oh my, is that a walk of shame I see, Miss Braxton? And leaving your brother's apartment, nonetheless. A little birdie told me you were spotted leaving Dal Luna with Carter Baizen. Good to see some things never change. Xoxo, Gossip Girl_**


	8. Hello from the Outside

_**Author's Note:**_

_**Yay! Time for an update! Thank you so much to everyone who has been reading this story and I apologize for the slow updates, it's just this story is like my precious child and I like taking my time to tell Holland's story correctly.**_

_**That being said, here is chapter eight! Only one chapter left until the big reveal, but here's more Intel into her past with Carter. Please leave reviews because I would really like to get the. Ext chapter out soon but I've been having writer's block, so reading reviews gets me motivated. And also Adele's new song. I feel like it's Carter &amp; Holland's damn anthem.**_

* * *

There's something about soirees that bring out the nastiness of people. For example, **Serena** has her underlying daddy issues, or should I say no-daddy issues.

What about **Blair**? That answer is simple - just look behind her sad doe eyes to see the jealousy that burns for Brooklyn's latest trash installment. You don't have to win every battle to win a war, **B**.

Then we have little miss sunshine. Everything seems to be going her way. She has all of her friends back together. Even her love life seems to be shimmering like her lipgloss. But we are only inches away from digging up your secrets, **Holland**.

You know you love me.

Xoxo, Gossip Girl

**8\. Hello from the Outside**

**One Year Ago**

Holland was sitting at her desk, highlighting any important material for her final on Friday. This was her most important exam of the semester and she had to pass. She is even hung up a Do Not Disturb sign on her door, warning Dakota not to answer. But that didn't stop her.

Dakota waltzed into her bedroom and Holland didn't even glance in her direction. Which pissed Dakota off even more so she stomped her foot onto the ground obnoxiously and huffed out an annoyed breath. Holland jumped at the sudden bang and sent a glare at her roommate. "Did you not read the sign on your way in?"

Dakota rolled her eyes with a cross of her arms, "There is Carter at the door and said he needs to talk to you? Yes or no?"

"No," Holland answered with a lot of hostility in her voice that earned an eyebrow raise by Dakota. Holland ran a hand through her hair and stood up, "He's an ass and I don't want to see him."

Dakota bit on her bottom lip when they heard something fall from the kitchen. The metal pot smacked against the ground and Holland's emerald eyes grew wide. "Tell me you didn't."

Holland rushed for the door but Dakota chased after her, "Let me explain. I didn't think you would mind and he seemed really sincere," Holland slammed her bedroom door shut and whipped her body around. She was only inches from Dakota and her heart was racing, "Yeah because that's what he does, Dakota! He makes you think he's one of the good ones but then he just ruins everything."

Dakota reached forward to grab her shoulder but Holland swayed out of the way. Dakota let out a deep breath, "I'll tell him to leave. Okay? You don't even have to look at him."

Holland nodded her head as her roommate disappeared out of the bedroom. Holly rubbed her hands over her face before pulling her hair into a high ponytail and letting out a breath she hadn't even realized she was holding. Every memory from their past was seeping into her mind and it made her want to scream. The door opened and Holland's back was turned as they walked into the room. Holland heard the footsteps and turned around, "I'm sorry for overreacting. He just really hurt me and-" But when her eyes met the person who just walked in, she was staring at Carter. She swallowed hard and backed into the bureau, making the entire thing shake and knocking a few bottles of perfume onto the floor. "What are you doing in here?"

He took a small step forward, but stopped as soon as he saw how uncomfortable that made her. Carter put his hands up in defense, "The earliest flight out of here isn't until tomorrow afternoon and there's no way of finding a hotel at this time. Dakota said I could stay for the night, in the guest room." Holland mentally cursed Dakota, and the airport and hotels. She wanted nothing more than to keep an ocean between them.

Holland pointed at the door, "Well the guest room is the other way. So feel free to let the door hit you on the way out."

"Can we just talk?"

Holland stepped forward, pushing past him, "I have nothing to say to you." She stormed out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where she found Dakota and Porter sitting at the table. Dakota's eyes were wide with fear and Porter had his arms crossed, "Are you freaking out of your mind?"

Dakota opened her mouth to respond but no words came out. Porter eyed the two friends up before commenting, "I told her it was a horrid idea." Dakota smacked his arm and his clear blue eyes sent her a glare as he pushed the brown curls out of his eyes.

Holland motioned her head to the living room, "Can I have a moment alone in here? Since you know, my worst enemy is now staying in the same house as me." They both nodded and exited to room, leaving Holland alone.

She blew a breath out from her nose and searched the cabinets pulling a glass from the cupboard. She placed her hands on the counter and lowered her head, closing her eyes and clenching her jaw. "Screw it," She found a bottle of Jack Daniels and poured herself a glass. She hadn't touched alcohol since rehab, but one couldn't hurt. Could it?

Staring down at the small amount of liquid in the bottom of the glass, her mind was racing. Every moment that led up to this had been because of her drinking, her drug addiction. But thinking about Carter, she just needed all that pain to go away. A pair of footsteps entered the room behind her, "Please don't."

As soon as she heard the voice she snapped her eyes open. She glanced over her shoulder to find Carter's eyes trained on the glass in her hand. She turned around, raising it slightly at him. "It's only one drink," She pointed out.

But he shook his head, stepping further into the room. He knew what she was doing, she knew how much she was risking. "And we both know that one drink turns into a weekend binge."

Holland started to laugh at him, but when his eyes widened in horror she placed the drink down before storming towards him. "How about you stop acting like you know me. Because you don't know a thing about me anymore. You made sure of that," Without another word, she walked into the living room and left him watching in her wake.

Once she was in the company of her own room, she couldn't help but burst into tears. Everything that was piled in her chest felt like she was about to explode. She sat down on the edge of her bed and buried her face in her hands. She cried about Carter. She cried about her departure. She cried about all of her family and friends that she was forced to leave behind.

There was a sudden pang of knocks at the door and she sat up straight, wiping the tears from under her eyes. The door swung open slowly and Carter peaked his head through the small opening. Holland let out an annoyed groan, "Just leave me alone." But when he moved to take a step further into the room, she picked up a heel from the floor. With all her power she chucked it at his head. "I said get out!" Her voice cracked as she screamed at the top of her lungs. The heel smacked the top of his head before bouncing off of the wall and causing Carter to duck out of the bedroom.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Holland stood up and invaded her bottom drawer, pulling out everything to find what she was looking for. Once the bottle of scotch was in her hands, the hot tears ran down her cheeks again. She was ugly sobbing and her breaths were coming out in an uneven pattern but she didn't even care. She just needed to numb the pain. She broke the seal off of the bottle and pressed it to her lips, throwing back as much as she could handle before coughing obnoxiously. The alcohol burned her throat and she bent over in pain, trying to calm her breathing and racing heart.

* * *

**Present Day**

Holland walked down the stairs and into the dining room where Gus and Emily were talking amongst themselves. She smiled at them before walking into the kitchen, but what she wasn't expecting was her mother to be waiting for her. Michelle had her arms crossed and leaning against the kitchen island in the middle of the room. Holland pulled her eyebrows together before walking over to the refrigerator and opening it, pulling out the carton of orange juice. Holly could feel her mother's eyes on her so she turned around and offered a smile, "Good morning."

"Were you going to tell me?" She demanded and Holland swallowed hard. Did she find out about Carter? How did she know? Did Declan find out and catch them last night? But Michelle uncrossed her arms, revealing a blunt in her hand. "We had a deal. You go to rehab and stay clean and you could stay in this house. How long?"

Holland placed the juice on the counter and stepped closer to her mother, "Mom. Come on, that isn't mine. I've been clean, I swear."

Michelle shook her head, "I found it in your couch, Holland Avery. I know where you used to hide them. I am not as naive as I was back then, so do not lie to me. How long have you been smoking again? Should I look in our medicine cabinet for missing pills too? Maybe put a lock on our liquor cabinet?"

"This wasn't me," Holland annuciated every word. She didn't know how the blunt got there but it wasn't her. She wouldn't relapse again. It would take a lot more than what happened a year ago to make her break this time around. "I swear, I'm fine. I have my drinking under control, I am doing everything you've asked. I wouldn't slip up, especially with your premiere in a few days."

Michelle rubbed her forehead, "I want to believe you, Holly, I really do. But with everything that's happened in the past and Carter coming back into your life. I'm just worried that if you start trusting him again, you're life will going back to spiralling out of control."

Holland chewed on the inside of her cheek. She was finally ready to come out with her relationship with Carter, but now she wasn't so sure. How could she jump into a relationship with Carter when her relationship with her family was so rocky? One slip up and everything would be ruined.

She let out a deep breath, "I'm fine, mom. Really. But thank you for your concern." Her phone began vibrating in her pocket and she took it out to see a picture of Blair on her caller ID. She took a step back, "Sorry I have to take this."

She walked into the dining room where Gus and Emily were no longer located and answered the phone call. As soon as she pressed it against her ear, Blair started talking quickly. "Okay, you've missed quite a bit in the past few days. You know Marcus and Catherine, well it turns out that she wasn't only his step-mommy. They were both sent back home. We went to Yale over the weekend, Serena and I have finally made up so I wanted to get us together for the day, like old times."

Holland nodded her head, taking everything in. "And we're still on good terms?" She bit her bottom lip thinking about Nate. She hadn't even seen him since they last talked in school last week. Blair let out a breath on the other end, "Of course we are, H."

A small smile grew on her face, "Okay, I'll see you soon."

* * *

Blair, Serena, and Holland were all gathered in a circle at the restaurant, talking about the new set of rules the Bass and van der Woodsen's have set. A curfew, prohibiting going out on school nights, it was honestly ridiculous. Bart Bass was trying to take control of Serena's life and she was completely over the whole situation. "So what did Lily have to say about last night's curfew flaunting?" Blair asked Serena.

Serena chewed on her bottom lip before answering, "I kind of snuck out before she could corner me. Let them discipline the sibling that actually deserves it."

"You mean Chuck?" Blair asked with a faint smile on her lips. Serena and Holland raised their eyebrows at the brunette, "What?"

Holland covered her mouth to muffle a laugh, "You smiled. Oh my god, you are totally gaga over that Basshole."

Blair rested her hands on the table and a small blush was rushing to her cheeks. Serena joined it with the laughter as they stared at their embarassed best friend. "No I didn't. I hate Chuck," She deadpanned but Holly rolled her eyes with a head tilt. Knowing that that was definitely not the truth. "Don't make me lose my appetite," Blair pushed her plate away from her.

Holland looked over to see Serena's little brother walking towards them with another boy trailing behind. Serena looked over when she noticed where Holland's gaze landed. Serena smiled once they got to the table, "Oh hey."

"Hey," Eric smiled nervously, "Larissa, uh, said you would be here." He gave a warm welcome to Blair before Holland stood up and hugged him. He was like a little brother to her. Holland looked over at the other boy, "So who's this?"

Eric looked back at the boy before he stepped forward and gave a wide grin around the table towards at the girls. Eric pointed at him, "Jonathan, this is Serena, and her two friends, Blair and Holland." The two girls waved to Jonathan as Serena awaited who the mystery boy was. Eric let out a deep breath, "This is Jonathan, my boyfriend."

Jonathan grinned, "It's nice to meet all of you."

Holland nudged Blair's arm who was staring at the inspectively, before a smirk crossed her lips. "Nice work, E." Jonathan blushed and looked over at Eric.

"Oh my gosh," Serena jumped out of her seat before engulfing Jonathan into a hug, "Hi. So nice to meet you. Sit down, both of you," She ordered as she pulled up another seat and Holland scooted over to move closer to Blair.

They both took their seats beside each other and Eric let out a relieved breath. Glad to have his sister's approval. He glanced over to his boyfriend before refocusing on Serena, "I invited him to the party tonight. But I thought you should meet him first."

Jonathan looked around at the three best friends, "Yeah, I met Chuck the other day."

"Chuck," Serena repeated before looking over to Blair with a smug smile. "Wow, hear that, Blair? Chuck," Holland couldn't help but giggle as Eric and Jonathan exchanged confused looks. Blair rolled her eyes, "Ignore her. She's dehydrated."

Eric looked between Blair who was sending a glare at Serena and Holland who was leaning against the back of her chair with crossed arms and a smirk. "Did I miss something?" Eric asked his sister but she shook her head. "No, but we did. The story of how you two met. We want to know everything."

Holland heard the door open and she glanced over to see Carter walking into the restaurant. He watched as she looked over at him and he smirked before motioning for her to meet him around the corner. Holland pushed her seat back slowly but Blair stopped her. "Where are you going?" She asked, not noticing Carter turning the corner.

Holland folded her hands in her lap and tilted her head to the side, "I have to use the ladies room." She looked over at Eric and Jonathan who were explaining their first meeting to Serena in impeccable detail. Serena was grinning like a toddler on Christmas morning. "I'll be right back," Holland stood up and hurried towards where she saw Carter turn.

As soon as she turned the corner, he grabbed her waist and pushed her against the wall, a hand covering her mouth to silence the yelp that escaped her lips. He removed his hand, pressing a finger to his lips signalling her to stay quiet. She nodded her head as he pulled her through the kitchen doors and they scurried through a back door. They walked into the empty room and he pushed her against the wall, finding her lips with his own immediately. Once he pulled away, she stared up at him skeptically. "How did you know I was here?"

He let his eyes flutter with a slight jerk of his head, "I may have checked Gossip Girl. I wanted to surprise you. Do you know how crazy it's been driving me not being able to see you? Especially since the other night," He trailed his hands down from her shoulders to her waist, pulling her closer against him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him slowly, "I can't recall what happened the other night. You might have to remind me."

A smile tugged on his lips as he took her hand in his and pressed a kiss to the very tip of her index finger. "Well I believe it started with a little something like this," His blue eyes never left hers and he kissed every finger slowly. She chewed on her bottom lip, "Then once we got back to my apartment, you could barely keep your hands off me. I must be really," But she cut him off with her lips. They fell back against the wall, using it as support as he pushed his body against hers. She wasted no time to started unbuttoning his shirt and he pulled away, "Yeah. It was a lot like this actually."

She shook her head, "Shut up."

He took her face in both of his hands and kissed her roughly, causing a quiet moan escape her lips. His hands travelled down to the hem of her shirt, before stroking the bare skin that was hidden underneath. The door swung open suddenly and two employees walked in, "So then I said to the president, I'm a c-" But stopped when they noticed the couple making out against the wall, "Seriously?"

Carter and Holland broke apart from one another, as she pushed him away from her gently and they both stared at the two employees. The other worker spoke up, waving his hand to the exit, "Get outta here."

Carter grabbed Holland hand before pulling her through the kitchen door and they walked back out into the restaurant. They both started to laugh loudly, gaining a few heads turning to scowl at them. Forgetting who Holland was here with, they walked into the dining area and Blair and Serena watched with jaws dropped. Carter slung his arm around her shoulders as they walked, but then Holland's green eyes landed on her friends. She smacked her forehead, "Oh crap."

Carter gave her a we've been caught face before pressing a kiss to her cheek and ducking out of there. Blair stormed over to her with Serena trailing behind, Eric and Jonathan were no longer sitting with them but instead at a table of their own. Blair placed her hands on her hips, "So the rumors were true about Carter? Ew," She shuddered, "Why didn't you tell us?"

Holland looked between the two, both with matching scowls and hands placed firmly on their hips. She waved her hands towards them, "For this reason exactly. You two judge everything, I can barely wear sweatpants without getting a slap on the wrist from the two of you. And things have been rocky since my return, I didn't want to cause any more trouble."

Serena looked at Blair before refocusing on the redhead, "But what about Nate?" Holland blinked a few times before swallowing hard, "Weren't you two dating or something?"

Holland shifted uncomfortably as Blair moved her hands from her hips to folding them across her chest. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth momentarily, "We broke it off after Blair asked us to. I care about our friendship a lot more than a minor fling," As soon as the words left her mouth, she wanted to bite her tongue. She knew that her relationship with Nate wasn't only a minor fling. They were each other's back bone, moral support. They needed each other. But then she also started thinking about how she hasn't heard from him since last week when everything went down with Catherine. Where the hell was Nate Archibald?

Blair looked over at Serena, letting a hmmph leave her mouth and checking her phone to see a text message from Chuck. He was on his way to meet with Vanessa at the rundown bar. Blair rubbed her lips together, smoothing out her lip gloss before turning back to her friends who were watching the entire thing. "I need to get going," She picked up her purse from the table before walking out of the restaurant. Holland arched an eyebrow, "What was that all about?"

Serena let out a light laugh, "Who knows with Blair." They started to leave the restaurant but Holland hung back, telling Serena to go without her and she would see her at the party later that night.

Holland pulled out her phone and started to scroll through her messages. She clicked on Nate's name and a picture of the two of them from the start of freshman year popped up. She grinned down at it before staring at her last text message from Nate. It was from over a week ago, one that she never answered. He sent her an S.O.S. that she never bothered replying to, she had no idea what was wrong. She sent a quick text message to him.

**_Holland: HEY YOU! Can we meet up before the Bass / Woodsen get-together. It should be one for the ages._**

But there was no reply.

Once twenty minutes rolled around, she finally left the restaurant and headed home. She walked into her bedroom and noticed a dress laying out on her bed for her. A note was attached to it, so she opened it.

_I saw this and thought of you, though now I can only think of this being taken off of you._

_\- Carter_

She placed the note on her nightstand and smiled to herself. She picked up the hanger and unzipped the cover, slowly revealing the dress. A few rose petals fell onto the floor and she picked one up, pressing it to her nose and smelling it. She loved roses more than anything, they were her favorite flower. The dress was black with a red rose pattern covering the entire fabric. The back was open with cutouts in the sides and it stopped a few inches above her knee. She let a breath leave her lips slowly as she trailed her fingers along the cloth.

She quickly did her hair and makeup before pulling the dress on. It fit her perfectly as she stood in front of the mirror, patting her hands along the dress. Someone knocked on the door before Dakota walked in, huffed out and sat on the couch. Holland stared at her through the mirror, "Rough day?"

Dakota nodded her head before sliding her hand down the cushion but her eyes widened in panic as she searched for what she was looking for. She stood up, pulling the cushions from the couch before turning to Holland. "Where did you put it?"

Holland furrowed her eyebrows together, "Put what?"

Dakota reached into her jean pockets but she still couldn't find it. She ran a hand through her short hair, "My blunt. I need it. I left it in the cushions like you used to so your mum wouldn't find it."

Holland's jaw clenched as soon as the words left her mouth. The blunt her mom found earlier, the one that she assumed was Holland's. Holly swallowed hard, "That was yours." Her voice never faltered as she seethed. "My mother was lecturing me about that earlier. She found it and she thinks I'm doing drugs again. How could you do that to me, Kota?"

Dakota took a step forward when Holland's voice kept growing increasingly louder. She didn't know why Holland was overreacting, "It's not that big of a deal."

Holland's mouth dropped open, "Not that big of a deal? I went to rehab, Dakota! Don't stand here and say that it's not a big deal, because it is to me. You know what happened last year, when I fell off the rails. It took a month for me to get sober again."

Dakota rolled her eyes, "You're overreacting."

Holland walked across the room and started to throw all of Dakota's belongings into her suitcase. She didn't even care how neatly they were put in, actually she didn't care at all. She was fuming. Once she was done packing, she threw the bag onto the floor and walked over to the bedroom door, opening it fully. "Get out," She demanded and Dakota's eyes grew wide. Confusion filled her blue eyes, but Holland's voice heightened, "Get out!"

"You can't be serious," Kota laughed, placing her folded arms across her chest. So Holland walked over to the suitcase before picking it up and throwing it out of the bedroom. Dakota shook her head and bit down on the inside of her cheek, "Come on. I'm sorry."

Holland shook her head, "Find somewhere else to stay. I can't have you living here if this is how you're going to behave. You're acting like a drug addict. Newsflash, Dakota, you only played one on tv."

Kota's lips pursed in disgust, feeling that blow that Holland definitely threw at her. "That was uncalled for," She stormed across the room and out the door. She turned around to say something else, but Holland slammed the door shut in her face.

* * *

Ten phone calls and thirteen text messages later, there was still no answer from Nathaniel. Holly was getting impatient, she had two hours until the soiree at Serena's but she wanted to hear back from Nate first. She wanted him to go with her, she just wanted to talk to him.

She shook her head before logging onto Gossip Girl and looking to find where Nate was on the tracker. She realized he was at Central Park... with Dan Humphrey?

Holland couldn't believe what she was about to do. She never thought she would stoop down to calling Dan on Nate's whereabouts, but here she was - waiting for the other line to answer. The phone clicked and she huffed out, awaiting Dan's voice. "Uh, hello?"

"Dan, it's Holland. Could you hand the phone to Nate, he hasn't been answering my calls." Dan looked over to where Nate had just walked away towards the Central Park Cart to get a drink. Things got awkward in their conversation and Nate wanted to keep off the topic. He didn't want he questions about his family, his house, the closed bank accounts. Dan scratched the top of his head, "Why would you assume I'm with Nate?"

Holland rolled her eyes, he was lying for him. She stood up from her vanity chair and paced around the room, "Well isn't that the new bromance of the year?" When Dan didn't reply, she exhaled, "And maybe I checked Gossip Girl."

Dan's eyebrows raised in amusement, "Are you keeping tabs on me now, Miss Braxton?"

She scoffed, "Oh please. If you believe for one second that I would have the audacity to keep tabs on the very wild life of Dan _Dumphrey_, you would be sadly mistaken. I just need to talk to Nate, so hand him the cellphone."

Nate had started walking back towards Dan so he pulled the phone away from his ear, "It's Holland. She's looking for you and says you haven't been answering." Holland twisted a piece of strawberry blonde hair around her finger and leaned against her bureau. But on the other end, Nate was shaking his head furiously. Dan groaned before placing the phone back to his ear and stumbling over his words, "Actually, uh, he's um busy right now. I'll tell to call, I mean, I'll tell him to call you later," Holland's mouth dropped open. Did Nate just reject her? She began to protest, "If you hang up this phone, Daniel, you would wish th-" But before she could finish, Dan slammed on the end button.

He shoved the phone into his pocket and gave Nate a confused look, "There a certain reason you're ignoring them, especially Holland? I thought you two were together or whatever," He corrected when Nate gave him a pointed look. "Well whatever you two are, it seems that she cares about you a lot. So whatever is happening in your life right now, maybe you could tell her."

Nate shook his head, before raising his water bottle to his mouth and taking a large sip. It wasn't that simple. He didn't want anyone to know. Of course he trusted Holland, but it was more complicated than that. He had always been the one to seem like he was in control of his life and now, he was completely cut off.

* * *

Holland walked away from her parents at the soiree and into the bathroom. She locked the door behind her and stared at her reflection in the mirror and pulled down the bottom of the dress she had received from Carter. She had to admit, she looked great in the dress. She pulled out her red lipstick before reapplying it and teasing her hair a bit. She pulled out her phone and took a picture of herself before sending it to Carter.

**_Holland: Party's lame and this dress is suffocating me. If only there was someone who was willing to take it off?_**

**_Carter: Babe, no teasing. You know I would love to. But you look beautiful in it._**

A smile spread across her face as she peaked at herself once again in the mirror. She grinned menacingly before pulling down the one strap and taking another picture, her finger dancing across her lip with the strap hanging loosely on her arm.

_**Holland: I wonder what's underneath.**_

She looked back into the mirror when her phone buzzed again. She bit on her bottom lip to hold back a smile before reading what Carter would have replied back. Things were getting so good with him. She was so happy. And in only a couple of days, she would be able to be open with everyone about her relationship. She knew bringing him as a date would be risky, it was basically wearing a giant target on her back - but she was ready.

She looked down at her phone, but what was staring back at her wasn't from Carter at all. She felt a lump grow in her throat as she saw a picture attached to a Gossip Girl blast. What could it possibly be this time?

Once she opened the message, there was a picture of her leaving the Ostroff Center. She felt sick to her stomach as she read the blast, throwing her rehab all out in the open. How did they find out? A loud bang on the door startled her and she jumped back, banging her heel against the sink. She shoved her phone into her bag and opened the door, revealing one of Blair's minions.

The blonde looked Holland over briefly before smirking sideways, "What were you doing in there? Because I'd rather much not use the ladies room in your drug lair."

Holland stormed away from her, clenching her jaw tightly to bite her tongue from not bickering back. The last thing she needed was a spotlight hovering her every move, but that was exactly what it seemed like once she entered the party. People started to whisper about her and she rolled her eyes, making her way back over to her parents. Her mother smiled once Holland got closer, but then her lips turned to a frown when she noticed the agitation on her face. Michelle pulled her eyebrows together, "What's wrong, sweetie?"

Holly waved her hand, handing the phone with the blast over to her mother. Once she was finished reading, she took a long glance at her daughter. Holland let out a deep breath, "Someone tipped off Gossip Girl from my visit there yesterday. Who would do something like this?"

Her dad ushered them out of the party and into one of the van der Woodsen's guest rooms. Once the door shut, Sebastian rubbed his temples before looking at Holly. "Do you have any ideas on who this could have been?"

Holland shook her head, "No."

"Carter?" Michelle questioned and Holland's eyes snapped to her mother's. Carter would never do something like that. Even when they were on rocky terms, he never threw her under the bus. "No, mom. Carter wouldn't." She took a step away from her parents, "I think I'm going to leave and go for a walk. Clear my head. I have to stop over Nate's anyway."

Michelle folded her hands together and pressed them against her lips. She nodded her head slowly, "Don't be out too late. Tomorrow is the premiere banquet. Declan is staying over at the house because we all need to be up early."

Holland walked forward, Michelle kissed the side of her head. She turned around and headed to the door, but paused before opening it. "I'll be home soon," And with that she left the party.

* * *

Holland rang the doorbell of the Archibald residence, but the house looked pitch black. What the hell was Nate up to? She walked around the side towards the gate, but realized that the lock was open and the gate was already swung ajar. She stepped around it cautiously before pushing the unlocked door open and stepping into the house. It was quiet, almost too quiet.

She turned the corner and flipped the lightswitch, but the lights didn't go on. She turned up the light on her phone and started to walk into the living room, but tripped over something on the floor. She fell onto a mattress and someone let out a scream as she pushed herself up onto her elbows. The person she fell on top of, picked up her phone and shone the light in her face, "Holland?"

She pushed the light away from her eyes and pulled herself to be able to sit on the small mattress lying on the middle of the floor. There was barely anything else located in the house. She ripped the phone out of his hands and placed it down, illuminating the room as much as she could with the small flashlight. "What is going on, Nate? Where's all your stuff? Where's your mom?"

He scratched the top of his head, making his hair fall in front of his eyes. He looked so tired. He swallowed hard, trying to reel his thoughts before he snapped on Holland like he had on Dan. He knew they only want what's best for him, but he wasn't even sure of what that was anymore. "Okay, our bank accounts have all been frozen since everything happened with the captain. My mom is staying at our house in the Hamptons, but I have school so I've been staying here. She thinks I'm staying with Chuck," He let out a deep breath.

Holland reached forward, grabbing his hand in hers and squeezing it gently. She had never seen this side of Nate, vulnerable and sad doe eyes. "You could have told me, I would have helped you. God, Chuck would have let you stay with him, you know that."

He pulled his hand away and ran it through his shaggy hair, before rubbing his eyes. He shifted on the mattress so his legs were hanging over the side and his feet were dangling against the floorboards. "I didn't need you're help," His voice was laced with bitterness. He didn't mean to snap, but he didn't want to feel like such a damn charity case anymore. He's broke, he wasn't trying to think about it. He swallowed hard before catching her green eyes with his, "I'm sorry. I'm just... agitated."

She grabbed his hand again and he relaxed against her touch as she moved across the mattress so she was seated behind him. She rested her chin on his shoulder and he turned his head slightly to look at her, "You don't need to apologize. But I'm being your friend here. And maybe it wouldn't be the worst idea to let your friends help you."

There was a quiet knock on the door and someone walked into the house. They rounded the corner, "Uh, Nate, hey man. It's Dan.. Humphrey. I didn't mean to jump on you earlier about everything. I was just trying to help." Holland stood up from the mattress as Dan grew closer to them, he greeted her, "Holland."

Holland patted his shoulder, "I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but it's good to see you." Dan let out a small chuckle before turning to Nate, "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go perform damage control on my reputation. Cats out of the bag, I was in rehab. Gossip Girl is a real bitch," She mumbled under her breath before picking up her bag and saying her goodbyes to Nate and Dan.

Walking down the Manhattan streets, an idea popped into her head. She walked around the complex to the fire escape and started to climb up. Thankfully, Declan was going to be at the house for the night, meaning she could freely go to Carter's apartment.

Once she got to the top of the fire escape, she walked over to the window and peaked in. Carter was laying on his bed, on his phone. She tapped on his window and his head shot in her direction. She smiled and waved as he stood up and walked towards the window. He opened it and stared at her, "You know your brother isn't here, right? No need for sneaking?"

She shrugged her shoulders, climbing through the window and leaning up on her tiptoes to kiss him. When she pulled away, his hands found her waist, immediately pulling her closer. "It was kind of exhilarating," She laughed lightly.

He shook his head, "You're so hot."


	9. Sex, Drugs, Scandal

_Author's Note:_

_I'm really sorry about how long it took for me to update, but I had reallllly bad writer's block but all your comments and kind words really helped me with writing this chapter._

_I have had this idea planned for almost two years and I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who has taken the time to read this, it means the world to me. I love this book so much, and I really adore Holland's character. Which is probably another reason it takes me forever to write, because I want to give you guys the best chapters that I can, meaning no filler chapters so it takes me a little longer than usual to plan them out. So I hope you all continue to stick around because this roller coaster is only about to get even crazier from here._

_But without further a due, here is chapter 9. Which ***drum roll pls*** finally has the big reveal on Holland's departure and a huge moment between Holland and Carter that will define their relationship._

_Please leave your thoughts and comments because I want to know what you guys think! And wow, this story is already over 2k?! Thank you all so much, kisses. ks 3_

* * *

If you thought Sex and The City was juicy, then you will absolutely love what I'm about to spill. This just in, a little birdy left me with some very vital information regarding a certain redhead. Get your tissues handy, because **Holland Braxton** might just be winning an Oscar.

Though it must be a shame that it will be under these circumstances. But nothing screams irony like revealing a life-ruining secret on the debut of your parent's premiere, now does it?

You know you love me.

Xoxo, Gossip Girl.

**9\. Sex, Drugs, Scandal**

The Braxton Suite was filled with assistants, florists, cooks, and a handful of Holland's friends. Serena and Blair were hell bent on helping prepare the premiere party, Holly's guess was so they could get their hands on the celebrity guest list. Michelle was pacing back and forth, being followed by dozens of assistants as they dashed from one side of the room to the other. Then repeat, _again and again_.

Sebastian could be found in the dining hall with his eldest son and newly announced fiancé. They were chatting over a bottle of Jameson and talking about Sunday night's football game. Declan was seated behind them on the couch, awaiting the text message of his best friend. Carter hasn't answered him all morning, completely blowing off their plans for the afternoon.

Serena tugged on a piece of Holland's messy hair and her green eyes darted towards the blonde, "Why do you look like you were rolling around in a haystack?" She pulled a piece of grass out of her hair before shoving it into the redhead's face as a signal of proof. Holland swatted the piece of grass out of her hands, "It wasn't a haystack."

The brunette's eyebrows raised in amusement and her lips puckered into a knowing smirk at her best friend's expense, "Well don't spare us any details, Braxton."

"He took me out of town," Holland recalled, thinking about her date from yesterday. Things have been really good. Better than she could have ever hoped. Carter surprised her with a limousine and a picnic basket. They had a quiet picnic by a lake, followed by stargazing... Among other things. "We just had a really good night."

Serena plucked another piece of grass from Holland's hair before taking her chin in her hand and raising it to find a red splotch on her neck. Serena's eyes found Blair's as they exchanged a knowing glance, before Blair dug through her purse for her cover up. "We can tell, H. The least you could do is have the decency to cover up." Holland's hand found her neck immediately with a pair of matching shocked eyes. Blair shooed her hands away before applying the makeup and covering up any trace of the marking.

Someone busted through the doors, causing a wave of commotion and everyone's eyes peeled away from what they were doing to see what was happening. Holland stepped up on her tiptoes, over the crowd of people placed in front of her to see a back of dark hair holding a bouquet of flowers. He was standing beside Declan who quickly stood up from the couch and shook his friend's shoulder. "Took you long enough, I was starting to think you were gonna ditch me," Declan laughed, gaining a small chuckle to leave the back of Carter's throat.

"Nah, man, I just had to stop somewhere first," He held up the flowers before Michelle gathered beside them. Her features were stained with anxiety and panic, tonight was the largest premiere the Braxton's have ever had and it needed to be perfect. This would be their make or break moment for their career. Carter handed over the flowers to Michelle, "For you. Good luck tonight."

Michelle smelled the flowers before pulling Carter into a hug and pressing a small kiss onto his cheek. "Thank you so much, it's wonderful for you to be here. And I know she really appreciates the support," She spoke quietly before running off with her stampede of assistants. Declan knitted his eyebrows together in confusion but Carter turned around, covering his tracks. "She must have meant he, that's cute though - you appreciate me."

Declan rolled his eyes, "Shut up."

The two college students made their way out of the room but before walking through the door, Carter turned around to look at Holland. She gave him a small wave before he was literally yanked through the door by Declan. She turned her head around to find Blair and Serena with wide grins on their lips, "You should go get ready for your big night. I might even slip a message to lover boy that you need to see him up in your bedroom." Blair fixed the purse draped over her shoulder, with a puckered smirk and rosy cheeks.

Holland stepped backwards, "I should probably go. I need to shower and everything, you know?" Without another word, she took off towards the stairs. Once she was in her room, she pulled her hair out of its high ponytail and trailed her fingers down her face. She needed to get ready.

She opened her closet to find an outfit, but she noticed one hanger pulled out and set to the side. Their maid, Jessie, must have already gotten her an outfit. She had to admit, she loved Jessie's taste. She was a younger girl, a family friend of Dorota's. She pulled the green gown off of it's hook and laid it on top of her bed. Her eyes glanced towards her clock, she had three hours until the premiere started, and two until she was scheduled for hair and make up. Her mother had set Holland last with her two friends at the same time.

* * *

Holland was staring at her reflection in the mirror, she only had about twenty minutes left before she was up for hair and make up. She had her olive green dress draped firmly around her body, her red hair following down her back against her light complexion. There was a sudden knock at her door and sucked in a deep breath before walking over and opening it up. Carter was staring back from the other side of the door with a bouquet of roses and a small box in his other hand. His eyes widened as they travelled down her body, "Whoa. You look-" Before he could even finish his compliment, Holland pulled him into a kiss.

She pulled away, just enough so they could walk into her bedroom until she pushed him up against the closed door. "I was starting to think that you wouldn't come up here."

"Well Declan isn't that easy to avoid. I'm starting to question which Braxton I'm actually dating," He arched an eyebrow and she broke out into a laugh. He took her face in his hands and licked his lips, "You look beautiful, Holly. I just, I needed to tell you that. But when you opened the door," He tilted his head to the side, smiling to himself, "You left me breathless."

She shook her head, biting her bottom lip, "God, I-" She pressed her lips to his quickly, stopping what she was so close to saying. She knew she meant it. She did love him, but she was scared to say it. Especially after last time. Once she pulled away, she took the flowers and box out of his hands. She placed the roses in a vase beside her bed and looked down at the box. "What's this?"

He walked across the room, moving closer to her as she stood in front of the mirror. He stood behind her, pressing a gentle kiss to her neck. She let her neck fall to the side and she sucked in a quick breath as her eyes fluttered shut. He placed his hands on her hips, "Open it and find out."

She pulled the red ribbon off of the box, before opening it up to reveal a gold necklace with a small heart in the middle. She smiled down at it before pulling it out of the box and turning around to him, "I love it."

"Here," He held out his hand for it which she placed in his hand before turning back around. He pushed her hair to one side before placing the necklace around her neck and clasping it together. He brushed his fingers along her collarbone until he touched the small golden heart. As he pulled away, he pulled her chin towards him so he could kiss her once more. She turned around, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer to her. But he pulled away, "There's something else in that box for you."

She blinked before opening her eyes and staring up at him, she looked down at the box pulling the foam out to find a key laying at the bottom of the box. Her mouth dropped open as she picked it up between her manicured nails, "Wait, is this?"

"A key to my apartment," He nodded his head before taking her hands in his, "This way there's no more need for sneaking up that fire escape."

She let out a deep breath, "I don't know what to say. Thank you," She pulled him into another kiss before he had to leave and she had to go finish getting ready for the premiere.

Holland walked into the dressing room where Blair and Serena were both already seated and their hair was being done. They both gave Holland wide smiles as she sat down between them. Serena gave her a smug smile, "Well someone is glowing."

"Lover boy got my message?" Blair smirked, before raising her chin for the make up artist. Blair looked over at Holland in the mirror, "Declan was glued to his hip the entire time. I had to wait for him to go use the bathroom so I could run over there and deliver the message."

Holland held out her hand for her best friend and squeezed it, "Well thank you, B. It meant a lot to me."

"Have you told him you loved him?" Serena asked, gaining the attention of the other two. Holland chewed on her bottom lip before fiddling with her necklace, "I think I might tonight."

* * *

"I want to thank everyone for joining us today to celebrate the premiere of our movie. The entire cast and crew have put so much time and effort into making this film. And I hope you all enjoy it as much as the rest of us."

The entire room erupted into an applause as Michelle and Sebastian stepped down from the podium. Holland was standing with Blair and Serena as they saw Chuck and Nate walking towards them. Holland met them, hugging both of them and looking around at her group. Everyone was together. She grinned, "I'm so happy that you all made it."

"We wouldn't miss it for the world, Hol." Nate insisted as the rest of the group all nodded their heads in agreement. Holland let out a shaky breath, but Nate caught onto it, "What's wrong?"

She waved a dismissive hand, "Nothing too severe. It's just my speech that I have prepared, I had it written perfectly but now, I'm nervous that it won't be good enough."

"You'll do great, don't worry about it." Chuck placed his hand on her upper back and she bit her bottom lip nervously, still not convinced.

She gave them a weak smile before her eyes caught something in the background. Her eyes grew wide as she stormed towards the girl, "Dakota?"

The other girl turned around, pulling her glass of champagne up and clinking it against Holland's before downing her entire glass. Holly wrapped her hand around Dakota's wrist and dragged her forward, trying not to gain any unwanted attention. She smiled widely at the redhead, "I was just looking for you, where have you been?"

Her eyes were bloodshot and she couldn't hold any eye contact. "Are you, are you seriously high right now?"

Dakota shrugged her shoulders and raised her eyebrows condescendingly, "I'm just playing my part."

"You need to go," Holland started dragging her out of the room but she was struggling against her. They got maybe three feet towards the door before Dakota ripped her arm free and stumbled backwards, "I'm not going anywhere. What you don't want to be associated with a drug addict or a drunk? Well guess what," She raised her voice gaining everyone's attention and putting on a show, "I'm Dakota Watts, the British actress whom played a drug addict on television. But guess what? It's not all a ruse. I'm high as _fuck_ right bloody now!"

"Kota!" Holland screamed, snatching her arm once again and yanking her forward. Thankfully, Chuck and Nate came rushing to her rescue and helping drag her out of the room. Once they were in an empty hall, Holland pushed Kota back against the wall. "What the hell did you think that you were doing? Why do you have to keep screwing my life up along with your own?"

Dakota scrunched her nose up, as she pushed herself off of the wall and fixed her dress. "Oh, I think you did a perfectly fine job at doing that one yourself, Holland."

"What the hell was that?" Michelle came rushing into the hallway with Declan and Carter following in behind her, all with matching expressions.

Holland rushed towards her mother, "Mom, I had nothing to do with this. I promise, I had no idea she would come here. You have to believe me."

"Your parents can't make all your problems go away. That's not how the real world works. You mess up and you fix it all on your own, or you just keep on spiraling. But mummy and daddy can't keep erasing all your mistakes. Last time was just luck," Dakota slurred before pushing herself off of the wall but Holland turned around, her eyes dark and dilated. She stormed over to Dakota, getting right in her face, "What did you just say to me?"

"You don't scare me," Dakota spit in Holland's face before the redhead lunged forward but Carter yanked her away before she could hit the other girl. Dakota bit back a hollow laugh, "I didn't think you were so clueless to go back to him. It makes sense though. You like having people around who treat you like garbage."

Security entered the room and Michelle placed on hand on her forehead before waving the other for security to take Dakota out of there. Once she was escorted out of the party, Holland rubbed her temples. Her green eyes wandered up to Carter, "How did she?"

He shook his head, "I don't know."

"Come on, honey. I'll have Jessie fix your make up. Your speech is coming up next. Okay?" Michelle coddled her daughter, making sure she made it into the other room without any questions from paparazzi being asked.

* * *

Holland stood at the front of the room, on the podium with every guest's eyes narrowed on her. She thought she was nervous before, but now with what had just happened - she felt sick. She couldn't mess this up for her parents. "Good," She cleared her throat and gripped onto the podium as tightly as she could, her knuckles turning white. "Good evening, I'm Holland Braxton. Tonight has turned into one of the most important night's of my parent's life and I couldn't be a happier or prouder daughter. To watch how far you've come from producing independent films to gaining such a wide production, I'm glad to say I've been a part of this family. I know that only greater opportunities are to come and I cannot wait to see what you've got in store for us all. So without further ado, here is the final trailer."

Holland stepped down from the podium as the lights dimmed and the camera began to roll the tape. The trailer began to play so Holland went to take a step down when she heard her own voice break through the speaker. "Why don't you put the toy away and come play with something a little more... Exciting?" Her eyes snapped back up to the big screen where she was being projected on. It was definitely her, only about three years younger. She was wearing a skimpy lingerie outfit, laying down on the bed and staring up at the camera.

"_What is this?"_

_"Is that their daughter?"_

Holland felt like her chest tightened up completely and she couldn't breathe. She stepped down another stair before she lost her balance and fell, smacking her hand against a table and catching herself before she fell. She looked back up at the screen to see her spaghetti strap fall down off her shoulder and she was biting her lip, as Carter placed the camera down and started to walk over towards her. "No," Holland looked around her, spinning in circles trying to find where it was coming from so she could turn it off. This could not get released into the public. It's already ruined her life one time, she couldn't go through it all again. Where would she disappear to this time?

"_Oh my god, is this a sex-tape?"_

People in the crowd were shouting out insults and pictures were being taken but Holland could barely keep her balance from her numbing legs. On the screen, Carter's shirt was being pulled over his head and his hands were moving to remove her silk gown. She knew what was next and she felt like she was about to vomit.

"Someone turn this off," Michelle shouted over the microphone as Holly felt someone grab onto her arm and she looked up to find Chuck holding onto her for support. Nate was trying to help the girl at the projector turn it off until Blair just ran forward, yanking the plug straight out of the socket and the screen went completely black.

The lights turned on and everyone was sitting there in silence, until Michelle rushed forward, grabbing her daughter and pulling her out of the room and shielding her away from the reporters and paparazzi. Michelle stood in the corner with one hand placed on her hip and the other rubbing her forehead. Sebastian was pacing back and forth, as Chuck and Nate stood alongside Blair and Serena who were trying to comfort a crying Holland. Carter rushed into the room, walking straight for Holly but Blair stopped him, placing her hand firmly on his chest. "I really don't think it's a smart idea for you to be in here right now."

"I just want to see her," Carter pleaded.

Holland heard him and she wiped her tears, pulling away from Serena and storming towards him. "Don't you think you did enough? I did everything that you asked. I left. I left you, I, I left everyone. So why? Why now?" She pushed his chest back and her voice cracked underneath the cries, "What did I ever do to you that you had to humiliate me like this?"

Carter shook his head, placing his hand on her arm and crouching down so she would actually look at him, "It wasn't me, Holly. You have to believe me."

She sniffled, "I don't know what to believe. Who else would do it? You, you were the only one with the tape."

Carter swallowed hard, a vein in his neck prodding out against his skin and he shook his head. "I don't know who it could have been. I deleted the video, last year. After the visit in London, seeing how much pain I caused you. I got rid of the video, the camera, everything. I would never do anything like that to hurt you again. I was a stupid kid who was scared of his dad, but I'm not that person anymore. I changed. I've changed because of you."

Holland bottom lip quivered as she listened to him, believing every word he had to say. She wrapped her arms around his torso, burying her head into his chest and his arms wrapped around her protectively, kissing the top of her head. She didn't pull away, only shifted her body so she was leaning against him and he grazed his fingers along her back, soothingly.

But the door busted open and Declan barged into the room, storming towards Holland and Carter after their parents left the room to perform damage control on the situation. Holland pulled away from Carter, going to step forward to talk to her brother but Declan dodged around her, throwing a punch right into Carter's jaw. Holland covered her mouth with her hands as Declan threw another punch as Carter stumbled onto the ground. "Dec! Declan, stop it!"

Holland grabbed Declan's arm, trying to pull him off of Carter, but he yanked his arm free, throwing another punch at Carter who was just laying on the ground with a bloody nose and a bruising eye. Holland yanked Declan's arm, "You're hurting him!"

Declan stood up straight, before pushing his younger sister away from him and sending her stumbling back from his anger. Her eyes widened at the force that he used and she stepped forward, reaching for his arm but he pushed her back again, even harder than before. "Just stop defending him. This is all on you, Holland."

"Whoa, man. Back it up, okay?" Chuck rushed forward, wedging in between the two feuding siblings and pushing Declan back lightly, maintaining a distance between Holland and him. "I think she's dealt with enough tonight. Don't you think?"

Declan let out a breath before nodding his head and turning back to Carter who was slowly getting off of the ground. He stepped forward, which made Carter instinctively back away, but Declan grabbed the front of his shirt pulling him forward. "I want you out of the apartment by tomorrow. If I catch you in there, I'll call the police. Who do you think they'd believe? A Braxton who has straight A's and does community service or the low-life scumbag who took all daddy's money to travel the world?"

"Declan, come on, man," Carter let out a sigh but Declan just pushed him backwards letting go of his shirt.

Once Declan left the room and the door was slammed shut, the hallway was filled with silence and tension. Serena grabbed Holland's hands and gave her a weak smile, "We can have a girl's night tonight like old times?"

Blair joined in, "I'll call Dorota. Have her lay all the pillows on the living room floor like we used to and we can watch movies and I'll even have her order your favorite macaroons."

"I love you guys," Holland hugged both of them, before pulling away, "Yes that sounds perfect. Thank you."

Blair pulled her phone out of her pocket as fast as she could, "Wonderful. Come on, Serena. We have some preparations to attend to."

"I'll have my driver drop her off," Chuck added, which caused Blair to give him a small smile before hurrying off with Serena. He turned towards Carter, "And I know we may not have gotten off on the right foot in the past. But it's pretty obvious that she cares for you and I care for her, so if you need someplace to crash. You're more than welcomed to sleep on the sofa."

Carter held out his hand which Chuck took and shook it firmly, "Thanks, man. I appreciate it."

Chuck grabbed Nate's shoulder before motioning that they should be getting back into the party. As soon as the door closer, Holland rushed over to the mirror and started tugging on her hair trying to tame the mess that it's become in all the chaos of the night. Everything was going so great. She was finally ready to tell him that she loved him, her mother was finally accepting their relationship along with all of her friends, and he gave her a key to his apartment. But it was all completely ruined now. First with Dakota crashing the party, and then the sex-tape that her parents tried so desperately to hide was literally projected at their premiere. And if matters couldn't get any worse, Carter was kicked out of his apartment and Holland would be lucky if Declan would ever want to speak to her again.

Carter walked up behind her, grabbing her shaking hands and making her turn around to face him. He ran his hand down her cheek, "Hey, talk to me. Okay? Tell me what's going on inside that head of yours."

"It's just, everything was so good. I was finally happy," Holland swallowed hard and casted her green eyes away from him so Carter licked his lips, "Are you not happy anymore?"

She stared up into his blue eyes, they looked clearer today. Like two tiny oceans that every time she looked into them, she felt herself getting lost in them. And she loved that feeling. She loved being able to stare into his eyes and forget about the world crumbling around them because that's all that mattered to her in the moment. She shook her head, breaking into a tiny smile and placing one of her hands on his jaw, "No, of course I'm happy. Since the day I've came back, I've been putting on this strong front. Smile, tell everyone that you're okay and you're happy and you're glad you came home. Some of which were complete lies. But with you, I don't need to lie. You just know when I'm happy. And every time I see you, I know I made the right decision coming home." She grabbed his hands in hers and squeezed them, "We'll make it through this, together this time. There's no more, me against the world. From now on, it's us against the world." Holland leaned forward, closing the space between them with a kiss and wrapping her arms around his neck.

Carter pulled away only an inch, but they both froze there. Breathing each other in and feeling the warmth from one another and never wanting to pull away. He swallowed hard, "I love you."

Holland's eyes opened, her green eyes staring into the two oceans in front of her. But this time she didn't get lost in them because she didn't have to escape to another place to whisper back those three little words that she's been aching to say. She let out a light chuckle, relishing in the happiness being shared between them. "I love you too."


End file.
